Episode LXXXX: “I AM STILL ALIVE!”

Sorry folks. Christmas was good and I have been mostly vegging. However Melissa got up here last Friday night and Jessy and her son came over and we proceeded to get drunk at my house. I even put on a little show of counter dancing in my kitchen and I even got to sleep with a little man. Jessy’s son is so adorable he went over to his father’s on Saturday and so did not want to leave he liked hanging out with us girls and having us all dote on him. Then Saturday was a low key night and we all got to bed relatively early at least for us. Then yesterday we proceeded to eat non stop for like 5 hours and painted toes and nails in preparation for tonight. I went to bed early because I actually am at work today. I have tomorrow off though and tonight Melissa is going to be the designated driver. So that is awesome I don’t have to pay for a cab since I can’t afford one anyway. Jessy is still at the house and has been there since Friday night which is great and I am pretty sure she is going out with us tonight “S” is also going out with us tonight and I believe Melody is too. Should be a good night I will try and get a lot of pictures since I haven’t taken any recently. Also my birthday is coming up on Thursday and we are mostly going to celebrate on Friday night but since I have Friday off I might get a jump start on Thursday. Who knows then after that it will be back to just hanging out around the house doing a whole lot of nothing. Hope everyone has a good and safe holiday. Love you all.

Episode LXXXIX: “I CHEATED!”

OK so I got a present from my dad Donald. It was an envelope and it specifically said do not open until Christmas well I assumed it was going to be cash because that is usually what we get so needing the money stat I opened it anyway not cash but a gift card to Victoria Secrets. I screamed “BUTT JEANS!” Now I have been wanting to get some more since my other ones became to large so this is awesome instead of being responsible I have no choice but to buy clothes. Then I had to call my mother and confess because I can’t keep a secret from my mother. Then she said I had a gift card for the same thing coming from Grandpa Bilger (which is awesome). Then she said something that is so true and I quote “You know when it comes to butts and butt jeans the men in this family are all about helping out.” So here is to the fabulous men in my family I will take a picture of my butt in the butt jeans so you can post it on your wall.

PS – Today I received an e-mail from Victoria Secrets that they are having their semi-annual sale so even better. Hope to have my new butt jeans here by New Years.

Episode LXXXVIII: “Completely Sober and In My Right State of Mind.”

HORNY!

Have you ever been so horny that even your underwear makes things worse and you can’t even think about going with out especially with jeans cause that would be even more unbearable? It’s to the point that thinking of something or someone turns you on and yet you are almost to the point of finding some random person to assist with your problem even if you know it wouldn’t be truly satisfying. This was me last night I went home and completely undressed and laid on the bed with no covers nothing touching me because I was super sensitive. Yeah so doing better today but for crying out loud that sucks.

Episode LXXXVII: “7.2 on the Richter Scale!”

So apparently at 11:30 pm last night we had an earthquake out on the Aleutian Chain about 125 west of Adak. Now Adak was my home for two years when I was younger and I have a great fondness for that island. No one was hurt and there was no damage. I didn’t feel a thing as I was asleep but I probably wouldn’t of felt it anyway if I was awake since that is about a thousand miles a way – apparently there was a good size wave that hit somewhere in no where Alaska. Whatever – on to other things.

So the following is a list of stupid things I have done recently:

So I tweaked my back out trying to load myself up with everything that needed to go upstairs because I was too lazy to come back down the stairs and make a second trip.

I spent 20 minutes looking through my bed for the remote that I knew for sure was lost somewhere in the covers and then finally gave up after pissing off the dogs to find the remote on the floor by my bed. Who would have thought to look there?

I totally forgot about my advent calendar until last night and then I started opening up everything and until I was done with only 6 days left unopened I realized I started at the wrong number and completely did it backwards – do these things come with directions (even if it did do you think I stopped to read them).

I have been experiencing major issues with my cell phones. I loose them or forget them or they spend some quality time in the snow. This has happened a lot over the last couple weeks I was complaining to Lexie about it and she politely told me this might mean I am partying too much. DAMN! Lexie just said I party too much. Well I guess that’s true so alas I am cutting back I will be out for New Years and I will be out the following weekend to celebrate my birthday. Then we will see what happens.

PS – I made Kool-Aid last night – haven’t had that in forever!

Episode LXXXVI: “So Long Happy Pills.”

OK so most of you know me well enough to know that I hate taking pills especially ones I have to take daily. Even my Thyroid ones I forget half the time and if I have a headache I am more likely to take a nap then a pain killer. So I just had an appointment with my shrink and we are both in agreement that I don’t need to be on them anymore so we have started a decrease program to get me off of them. So in one months time I will be back to the old Keri although I have learned that it’s OK for me to have a breakdown or be emotional so for those of you that are worried I am going to stop being the crazy Keri have no fear I have never been completely normal EVER – this is hereditary and there is nothing I can do about that the whole family is whacked! Hopefully though this will allow me be less fidgety and to where I can sit down and watch a whole movie again. I miss vegging in front of the TV and it is my personal feeling that this is why I have started my hibernation phase late I should be one month into a coma but alas I am still all over the place. If I don’t get my sleepy time then I get sick and I will never make it through next summer in one piece.

Episode LXXXV: “Full Moon!”

OK last weekend. I started feeling under the weather on Friday night so I went to bed early (at ten) and was awake by 8:30 on Saturday I proceeded to sleep most of the day Saturday and then got ready and went to Tammy’s birthday party at 8:00 then I swung by Jessy and Gabe’s for a bit and then I was going to surprises Joe but when I drove by the house at 10:20 all the lights were out and I’m pretty sure he was sleeping. So I went home to take a couple shots and wait for Tammy to call and tell me when they were moving to Kootz. So in a cab on my way to Kootz about midnight hung out there until just before the bar closed and then Kurt and I went back over to Jessy & Gabe’s and hung out there for awhile (they once again kicked my butt at cards – am getting use to it). Got home around 6:00 am and went to bed. I think I must have eaten about 4 burritos that night I was starving. Slept literally all day on Sunday so I am feeling better not so under the weather but I still think I have a cold coming on.

Also the full moon this month is on Monday Christmas Eve which means I have one week to get my stuff together and sent down to a friend – we are trying an experiment and if it works I will be selling my services for your first born child. It will so be worth it.

P.S. Tool stop critiquing my spelling or I will beat you over the head with a shovel. <- A false disclaimer is nobody’s friend!

Episode LXXXIV: “Can I get a pair of horse blinders please?”

So as I sit here at my desk with my left hand up to my face to block my sight of the left half of my desk. I feel happy and lighter because I have finally finished all the work that was on the right side of my desk. I need to get completely caught up because in a few months I am either going to start my plans for my hostel take over of my company or I am at least going to have everything done if I need to run screaming from the building so that I won’t have a guilt complex. BIG PLANS! But they are secret plans right now but my mind is taking over.

I have also entered my hibernator stage of the winter I am sleeping a lot or just vegging so there won’t be many partying blogs although Tammy’s birthday party is on Saturday so I will be going to that but I don’t know as of yet if I will be staying out late.

Episode LXXXIII: “Extremely Busy Weekend”

OK so as you know we had our Christmas Party on Friday night. The food was so awesome and I even went back for seconds. Then a few of us went over to Jaxx to hang out but since I had a late night on Thursday I was tired and wasn’t feeling it. So I was at home and in bed by 11:45pm. I slept until about 3 in the afternoon making up for the sleep I didn’t get on Thursday night. Then Saturday night I met “S” at Gallos at 9:00pm and we met up with a couple of her co-workers. Then we headed to Kootz where I proceeded to get trashed and I sent a text to most the people in my phone that I was wasted some of you even wrote me back. Then at 1:00am “S” and I left and I got dropped off at Jessy and Gabe’s then they took me home and we played cards for a couple hours. I didn’t get to sleep until 5:00 am. Then I slept all day Sunday waking up for a couple hours here and there for a total of 6 hours of awake time yesterday.

On a side note the cell phone I lost last Saturday was found on my front porch I’m sure the cab driver left it there that night. So I walked by it for almost an entire week before seeing it and then when I did it was frozen to the railing. Oh well it was acting up anyway so I needed a new phone.

Episode LXXXII: “What A Night!”

Well went out got punched in the face for being an innocent bystander (not hard enough to leave a mark but hard enough to piss me off). I ended a streak that was starting to add up again. Won’t go into detail but let’s just say there is nothing more festive then having sex under a Christmas Tree. My neck was red this morning too not sure what happened exactly with that but I have a few ideas. Big Christmas party tonight – I might even blog about it tomorrow.

Episode LXXXI: “The Must Have Party Accessory”

I got a text message yesterday afternoon from “S” a girl that had gone out with us last Saturday. She pretty much wanted to make sure I hadn’t wound up in a ditch somewhere Saturday night. I told her I lost my phone but other then that I was good to go. Then I called Lexie to find out what was going on and she said “S” had called her to see she if she wanted to go out this Saturday with her and some people from work. Then apparently she asked if she could borrow me. So I have turned into the must have party favor and Lexie is my pimp. I don’t mind but I might need to start charging a service charge or something.

So this Friday is Christmas Party – have perfect bronze colored dress to wear and will look totally smashing. Saturday is another night out and I have no idea what to wear – I have absolutely no clothes to wear. OK that is not true but I need to find out what the mood is going to be like do I wear another mini skirt or is it going to be more laid back and I should just wear jeans. Decisions, decisions – oh the effort of looking glamorous.

PS - I just sneezed all over my desk and now my brain hurts.

Episode LXXX: “Jingle Bells – Batman Smells”

OK so along with me having one hell of a night on Saturday night I totally left my cell phone in the cab. That is what happens when you are drunk and distracted by the Big Mac in your hands. So I waited a few days in the hopes that someone would turn it in. No such luck. Now I really wasn’t upset it was time for me to get a new phone anyway but half the phone numbers in there I don’t have anymore. So for those of you whose numbers that have been lost you are currently saved from any random drunk text messages for the time being. Although I think most of the people who read this on a regular basis and who comment you are safe I had all your numbers in my computer. So now I am sporting a new Royal Blue KRAZOR phone it’s totally cute. Although a whole two and a half days without a cell phone was like walking around without a hand.

Anyway tonight I buy a Christmas Tree and decorate it with my fabulous crystal ornaments. I will take a picture and post it later. Also I must rest up our company Christmas party is this Friday and the guys are already talking about who all is going out to party afterward. Personally I hope they all come out after as I will not have to buy a drink all night and I already have my designated driver lined up and he is already scared.

Update

OK so apparently I would have to take out a full page ad in the Anchorage Daily News to apologize for any embarrassing behavior. Although I don’t want you to think that I only did that stuff because I was drinking I am just more flexible when alcohol is involved. So the above picture is from Jaxx and yes that is my chubby tummy and the afore mentioned love handles. You like it I know you do. Also to nameless man I apologize for back pain but would like to remind you that you stretched out before that or was that after?

Episode LXXIX: “A Great Hair Day.”

Names have not been used to protect the innocent!

So Saturday I went out with some friends. This picture is of me in the cab ride to Platinum Jaxx my hair looked so good that night. I was all hoed out in a jean mini skirt and brown hoe boots and yes my belly was even showing – apparently the guys love it when your love handles are showing I can’t even tell you how many random guys I danced with but it was all good I had a blast. Then of course I moved to Kootz later in the night to finish off my night. Took a cab home and ended up spending the night in the princess chair until about 8:00am.

Unfortunately the one moment before we went out at which point I knew I was already buzzed was not captured on film. This event which could never be recreated while sober consisted of me jumping on the front of a certain someone (who will remain nameless) telling him to hold me wrapping my legs around his waist and doing that baby thing (you know where they tend to throw themselves backward) which ended up with me hanging from said guys waist upside down with my hands and head by the floor and all this in a mini skirt. Of course being a gentleman said guy did not look down during this (I was wearing a thong which leaves nothing to the imagination) and I am so surprised BFF didn’t launch me out the window.

Not that it was just one big party this weekend I also cleaned the house and moved furniture and I plan on getting a Christmas Tree tomorrow and decorating it.