Monday, May 5, 2008

Episode CX: “Road Rash!”

Friday – found me at 5:40pm taking shots in my kitchen and making a drink. I had every intention of staying home and just vegging. So me and Kelly are sitting on the couch drinking then around eight I run out of smokes so we come up with the plan that Kelly will ride her bicycle and I will sit on the handlebars and we will go up to the gas station. The entire trip through the neighborhood was hysterical and both of could not keep from laughing but we made it to the main road and decided it was safer to walk then ride next tot the cars. So on the way back when we get into the neighborhood we try to repeat ourselves the problem is neither one of us can stop laughing long enough to maintain our balance. Shoot Kelly can’t even hold herself and the bike up. So after several attempts and near death experiences she decides to walk while I ride. Then we meet up with two guys on mini motor bikes and she catches a ride with one of them. Once we get back to the house the other guy is determined to get me on his bike so I agree to go for a quick ride. It was fun then we get back to the house because I have no intention of actually hanging out with these guys when it’s clear they just want a booty call. Well Kelly goes back out for a ride and apparently ends up crashing and come home with an injury on her hand so even she gives up but the guys continue to buzz the house and knock on the door trying to get us to come out and play. Well ten o’clock finds both of us passed out on the couch.

Now Road Rash is what I text when I am completely wasted – which is what happened on Saturday.

“S” came over around nine and we took some shots and had a drink and Kelly drove us to the bar at ten. I proceeded to get my drink on had fun (wore jeans instead of a mini skirt). I am 98% sure it was Dimond who gave me a ride home sometime around 2:30 announced to Kelly when I got home that I was drunk apparently sent out a drunk text which I have no record of on my phone and don’t remember sending. Sunday found me trying to sleep it off. Got out of the house Sunday night to go clean and then came home and went to bed.

So that’s about it for my weekend – how was everyone else’s?

Friday, May 2, 2008

My First Name Ain't BABY

It's Keri,

Jones if your nasty!

Nasty boys don't mean a thing - oh you nasty boys!

Episode CIX: “Tempting Fate!”

So I decided to tempt fate again by wearing my fabulous pink Coach sandals to work today. It’s a little chilly but if it snows I am going to be really upset.

I’m sitting here at my desk wondering if it’s possible to get frost bite at 65% because I am freezing. My toes and fingers are about to go on strike so I actually just went out to the car to get my coat (even though I was already wearing layers a shirt and jacket type thing) and I am sitting cross legged in my chair with a throw blanket over my lap.

I am bored with work and e-mailing my friends. There is talk about a possible David Hasslehoff theme party coming up – I have decided that I will go with the Baywatch David look of a pair of short red shorts and some how purchase a red personal floatation device to strategically place over my ya-ya’s I hope it’s warm that day. Then Tammy says we might actually have to go to a bar dressed that way – to which I replied that I would need massive amounts of alcohol and a escort for security purposes and that I might need to bring an entourage (apparently according to Kurt I have one – who knew) all this because I am a Diva.

Then of course there would be Knight Rider David – what’s that a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a beat-up black leather coat. How would I sex that up? Maybe by tearing the t-shirt into a mid-drift, naw too boring.

Maybe I should just dress up as a rock star and sing “hooked on a feeling” like David did in 1997. That was the year I graduated from high school. That might work – hmmm – maybe guess we will have to just wait and see.