Episode XII: “Family Play Time”

OK so when I got off work yesterday I nearly crashed my car and got my adrenaline pumping. As I was pulling out on to the main street I saw a hot guy in a truck turning on the street I was coming from and I was looking back over my shoulder and I went over into the turning lane and scared the crap out of myself and the guy in the other truck that was coming straight at me. I screamed and got back in my own lane and then preceded to text message everyone I ever met about it. Perhaps adrenaline texting is worst then drunk texting.

Once I got home it was fabulously hot and sunny so I took the dog and the roommate into the back yard and we kicked the soccer ball around for a bit then I decided that I needed one of those cheap two way clicking lawn chairs that fold down flat (Click, Click, Click, Click). So I abducted Sam (the roommate) and off we went to Fred Meyers. Got stuck in traffic on the way there so to amuse myself I started to car dance (you know the hand wave in the face, mean while Sam sinks a little further down in the passenger seat). I am such an amazing car dancer Michael Jackson wants to steal my moves. Once at the store Sam takes me through checkout line with the hot girl working. While standing there in line me and Sam get into an argument about him buying my dinner and where we are going to go. I’m all sweaty (Sam refuses to smell my arm pits – even though I do not stink) so I don’t want to go somewhere I have to go in and sit down. During this verbal abuse with me calling Sam a “Rat Bastard” and him calling me a “Jackass” he finally asked the cute girl what she thinks – she said she likes sushi (whatever that was a wasted question) we disagree and he ask if she wanted something cooked where would she eat. I then tell her to ignore him like I do and she doesn’t have to answer (cause really I have already made up my mind but I am enjoying the argument to much to give in). On the way out of the store he then tells me that he was trying to flirt with that girl at which point I say “Sam I guarantee that she thought we were dating and that you were a pig for flirting with her while I was standing there.” His reply “JackAss!” (5 points for Keri)

So we have decided to get a drink at the bar in Chili’s while we wait for our to-go order at which point I continue to berate him while the bartender laughs at us (at least someone thinks we’re amusing). We get back to the house and eat our meal in the back yard in the sun while I am lounging in my new cheap lawn chair with my white COACH sun glasses on looking the total part of a over weight out of work drama queen eating my fabulously healthy western egg rolls. Once we are done Sam leaves me to hang out with less demanding people and goes out with his friends. I then retire to the house and my true friend my big screen TV and snuggle up with my puppy. Yep my relationship with Sam is of the big sister younger brother verity – yup he’s the younger brother I never had and secretly never wanted – but he is still family and the best roommate EVER!