Graham Norton

OMG! I love this man. He is absolutely fabulous! I love a talk show that actually makes me laugh all the way through it. Some of the things that come out of his mouth.

I just had to say that!

Episode CXIII: “Drunk Phone Calls”

Now I do this – most of you have been victims of this before. However last night at 3AM my cell phone rings and I look it’s not a number I recognize so I say screw it and go back to sleep. Then it rings again at 4 AM and I decide to answer and give whoever it is a piece of my mind. This is how the conversation goes:

Me: “Hello”
Caller: “Hey you want to smoke a blunt?”
Me: “What? Who is this?”
Caller: “It’s James” – (This is not the James most of you are thinking of he knows better this is James #2)
Me: “James who?”
Caller: “James M. I met you at the bar”
Me: “Are you sure? Who are you trying to reach?”
Caller: “Keri”
Me: “That’s me and you say I know you and gave you my number?”
Caller: “Yes – I remember because it’s Keri with a K”
At this point I’m like shit that is what I say – damn it I do know this guy and I am starting to remember who he is the problem is I removed his number from my phone because I hadn’t heard from him in almost a year. Who randomly calls up someone they haven’t talked to in almost a year at 4AM in the morning on a week day and asks them if they want to smoke a blunt? I haven’t done that since I can’t remember when and certainly not with this guy. Back to the conversation:
Me: “OK I think I know who you are now. However about your request – I’ll pass but thanks for offering”
Caller: “OK I will let you go then”
Me: “Yeah Kay Good Night”

I mean really I guess it serves me right for answering the phone but curiosity got the better of me. Oh well.

Episode CXI: “Tampa Bay “Rays” – are WHAT!”

So apparently the “Rays” are currently number one in the nation. Does that seem right to anyone? I mean having spent a good portion of my childhood in Tampa I feel a connection for the place. I also supported the “Bucs” while I was down there and even after I left and they finally won the SuperBowl a week after I moved up here to Alaska. So once that was done I changed my allegiance to the next underdog the Seattle Seahawks they came close to winning the SuperBowl but were robbed!

So now with the Rays in the running – I have no choice but to root for them considering that Tampa Bay and Seattle are the only other two places I have been for longer then I have been in Alaska.

Episode CVI: “I am still alive.”

Well yes I am still functioning I have been really busy with the new business and of course my weekend shenanigans. Not to mention busy with my regular job as well. Last Friday I embarrassed myself with an emotional display at the bar – but I’m over it now and hoping no one will remember.

Current Residence of my house is as follows. ME – Kelly and Melody and Mikey will be back sometime this weekend. I have good intentions of cleaning my house thoroughly this week since I clean everyone else’s it’s time I looked toward the home front. I mean clean too like spring cleaning so much so I don’t think there will be any partying this weekend and if I do end up going out it will be an alcohol free weekend. My body needs a break apparently. I am experiencing a pain in my back right side – I have come to the conclusion that it is not my back but maybe something to do with my Kidney (like a stone – that would suck) or better yet I could be getting shingles again that was fun last time. So pretty much to much stress in my life right now. All is relatively good though. I promise to get back on the blogging horse this next month.

Episode LXXXXVIII: “What’s Up Peeps!”

So this weekend was pretty dull for me. Melissa went out to the beer and barely festival got completely wasted and did not end up going to bed until 11:30 Saturday afternoon she was hanging out with Dallas and Brandon. She got two hours of sleep and then was up again. I vegged most of the weekend I did get up and dressed on Saturday night to go over to hang out with them at Dallas’s house. I got there at about 10 at night and even though I wasn’t drinking or anything I was asleep on his couch by 11:30 I woke up at and we left at 2 am Sunday. Went home and then got up at 10:30 ran some errands and then Jessy came over and we were going to cook dinner and watch the Packer/Giants game – GO GIANTS! Then I got a cryptic phone call from Sam (my old roommate) wanting to know what I was doing for the next hour I said laundry and watching TV. He told me he would be at the house in 3 minutes and I was to get in the car. That was weird but I was ready and waiting when he pulled up. I sped the ten minute car ride in a little bit of fear because he wouldn’t tell me where we were going and asked if I didn’t trust him. I told him I did trust him – “to launch me out of a trebuchet”. Well it turns out he was bored and just wanted someone to play putt putt golf with so we played a game and actually ended up tying it up BUT I DID GET A HOLE IN ONE – GRANDPA WOULD BE SO PROUD! So I got another point Sam = 24, Keri = 526. Anyway we went back to the house and the four of us (Melissa, Sam, Jessy and I) watched the rest of the football game I was the only one rooting for the Giants which made it even more fun when they won.

Last night I dressed up Yoda (see picture below)!

Super bowl – Giant vs. Patriots (I will be rooting for the Patriots but they have won the super bowl before so I won’t mind if the Giants win I think I will end up rooting for whoever everyone else is rooting against). Its way more fun that way!

Episode LXXXVII: “7.2 on the Richter Scale!”

So apparently at 11:30 pm last night we had an earthquake out on the Aleutian Chain about 125 west of Adak. Now Adak was my home for two years when I was younger and I have a great fondness for that island. No one was hurt and there was no damage. I didn’t feel a thing as I was asleep but I probably wouldn’t of felt it anyway if I was awake since that is about a thousand miles a way – apparently there was a good size wave that hit somewhere in no where Alaska. Whatever – on to other things.

So the following is a list of stupid things I have done recently:

So I tweaked my back out trying to load myself up with everything that needed to go upstairs because I was too lazy to come back down the stairs and make a second trip.

I spent 20 minutes looking through my bed for the remote that I knew for sure was lost somewhere in the covers and then finally gave up after pissing off the dogs to find the remote on the floor by my bed. Who would have thought to look there?

I totally forgot about my advent calendar until last night and then I started opening up everything and until I was done with only 6 days left unopened I realized I started at the wrong number and completely did it backwards – do these things come with directions (even if it did do you think I stopped to read them).

I have been experiencing major issues with my cell phones. I loose them or forget them or they spend some quality time in the snow. This has happened a lot over the last couple weeks I was complaining to Lexie about it and she politely told me this might mean I am partying too much. DAMN! Lexie just said I party too much. Well I guess that’s true so alas I am cutting back I will be out for New Years and I will be out the following weekend to celebrate my birthday. Then we will see what happens.

PS – I made Kool-Aid last night – haven’t had that in forever!

Episode LXXXIV: “Can I get a pair of horse blinders please?”

So as I sit here at my desk with my left hand up to my face to block my sight of the left half of my desk. I feel happy and lighter because I have finally finished all the work that was on the right side of my desk. I need to get completely caught up because in a few months I am either going to start my plans for my hostel take over of my company or I am at least going to have everything done if I need to run screaming from the building so that I won’t have a guilt complex. BIG PLANS! But they are secret plans right now but my mind is taking over.

I have also entered my hibernator stage of the winter I am sleeping a lot or just vegging so there won’t be many partying blogs although Tammy’s birthday party is on Saturday so I will be going to that but I don’t know as of yet if I will be staying out late.

Episode LXXV: “Sneaky – Sneaky!”

OK to all my girls we all know that when we are not in a relationship or we don’t have big plans we tend to let ourselves go sometimes. Well that has happened to me the last week and today I paid for my mistake. I went in to the doctor for a fairly routine reason and that sneaky little man sprung the unmentionable on me. So now as I sit here at work the moment I get home I am taking my 2nd shower of the day and I am going to de-hair-ify myself. Why you ask the damage is already done – because this is apparently why mom always tells you to wear clean underwear. You never know.

Episode LXX: “Simon says – WAKE UP!”

In 89 days it will have been exactly 5 years that I have lived up here in Anchorage (that is so surreal). When I first moved up here I didn’t know anyone and I had no family close by. (I have a grandfather out in Palmer – who I just met when I first moved up here and I had an aunt that lived out in Kenai) For the most part though I was on my own. I had never lived on my own either. So after spending the first couple weeks scared out of my mind in my house trying to get use to the noises I asked the people that I work with to look after me. For some reason I had this irrational fear of me dying alone (which wouldn’t be so bad) but if that happened I was afraid that Pucky would starve to death before anyone realized I was gone.

Now I have never done a “no call, no show” ever in my life. So I told the people I work with that and said that if I was ever more then 30 minutes late and had not called in to call me and if I did not respond in a timely manner to come over to my house and look for me because I am probably dead. Now I have been late and sometimes I have forgotten to change my alarm clock or to set it. However my body usually wakes me up about ten minutes before I have to be to work (usually in panic mode) this function works on the weekends too when I am still asleep and not sure what day of the week it is. This usually gives me enough time to call in and say I am going to be late.

However two weeks ago my alarm didn’t go off and my body didn’t wake me up. So work called me at home 30 minutes after my shift should have started and woke me up. I panic barely got dressed I was so upset I would have totally ran out of the house naked. Now further investigations revealed that my alarm clock was possessed. Now I knew this since it would randomly go off for no reason in the middle of the night or if my cell phone got a message or a call, but it never had not gone off when it was suppose too. So alarm clock was fired. However I was too broke then to go out and buy a new one so I continued to use it while also using my cell phone as a back up because that was not happening again, EVER!

Well to the point of my story – last night I went out and purchased a new alarm clock. When you first get an alarm clock even if you test it the first couple of nights your always worried about it not going off or not going to be loud enough. So last night I set it up but didn’t test it because I figured my backups would be good if it didn’t work. So I set my cell phone and a travel alarm clock both of which are fairly soft alarms they both sort of just annoy you until you wake up. This morning I woke up to what sounded like a direct signal from the system Vega right into my brain. “Simon says get up – NOW!” Of course I jump out of my skin and start flailing about for the snooze button, once I finally get it turned off the other ones start going off. Now I like to snooze plus I was so confused that I couldn’t figure out how to turn anything off. So I snoozed them all and dozed back off. Then again they went off this happened for almost and hour (needless to say my bed companions (dogs, cat, boy) were not real pleased). Oh well I know that I won’t be late again.

Episode LXVIII: “I think I can I think I can!”

OK so I just had a run in with the bionic staple “The Force Is Strong With This One”. It was a long battle and I was starting to get tired and sweaty but I persevered and won out in the end. That staple really just didn’t want to go in the trash. It had become one with the paper but it was no match (OK maybe a little) for me and the jaws of my bright pink staple remover.

Pink my new signature color.

Last night we went bowling and I was using the ugly green ball the guys were using and I was sucking so bad you could have named me Hoover. Finally I decided that I was doing so crappy because the ball was just not girlie enough for me. So I went on a quest (which turned out to be almost as perilous as Atreyu trying to save fantasia). I however had my lucky charm (Atreyu had the Orrin) in the form of my Grandpa’s Navy coat and therefore was able to locate a light 10 pound BRIGHT ASS PINK ball and then I even bowled a couple of strikes.

Moral of this story: If I have any pink – stand back because I am unstoppable!

Episode LXV: “It’s COLD!”

Seriously I had a great night last night so today nothing can burst my bubble.

Had steak last night – it was awesome! I am turning into a fabulous cook – it’s kind of scary actually.

So that is all folks – this is Suzy homemaker signing off.

Episode LXII: “Pucky looks OK but your tarter sauce doesn’t”

HA! Anyway – so I am more awake today but I have made the decision to put in my two weeks with BB&B I can’t keep working these hours it is wreaking havoc on my body, I was so tired yesterday I must have ran into 20 different things including a support beam and the coffee pot shelves have totally had it out for me since I started there. So once I decided this a big weight was lifted and I totally feel tons better. I have a little something, something going on the side that if it all works out I will let you all know. (NO I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING ILLEGAL)

Melissa gets in tomorrow night and then this weekend we have big things planned and there will be pictures to post this time too. It’s going to be one long weekend with all the things I have to go to Saturday especially but there will be drinking and so there will be stories to tell.

PS – I have not been on MySpace in awhile because I am currently mad at GCI so I didn’t pay them but I think they have won the battle because I can’t go any longer without my internet – it’s driving me crazy.

Episode XLXX: “I Think My Roman Numerals Might Be Screwed Up – OH WELL!”

OK so Girl’s Night has not happened yet it keeps being postponed, because I am a bad bad friend.

However tonight I might be cooking – I know scary thought. Very few of you can attest to baring witness to my little secret that I can actually cook – I choose not too most of the time and when I feel I have too I tend to make something that comes out of a box from Costco. However when I put my mind to it and have no other distractions (I have bad cooking ADD) I tend to lay out a good meal and I totally don’t burn it. Tonight it’s Beer Batter Halibut Chunks and made be even home made fries. However if for some reason I do get distracted I will send out a smoke signal in the form of my house burning down – those of you in Seattle will be informed as well by the smoke clogged air that will no doubt fill your skies causing anyone with breathing problems to lock themselves in the house for days. I apologize now for any inconvenience!

Episode XLXVI: “French Tickler – What about the man?”

Good Morning Sunshine’s! So I have kind of been in a funk lately hence the no blogging but I am all better now and I have returned to my happy place. You haven’t missed much pretty much the all the same stuff – going out and working. Saturday night had a blast – Lexie has a picture of me pulling down the front of my shirt and showing off my bra with Brian and Andrew next to me (it’s looks like Andrew might be grabbing my boob but I’m pretty sure there was no actual contact – since I was sober it’s my memory we will be trusting). I haven’t decided about posting the picture yet. Not sure I want you all to know me that well.

Anyway – I have this really fabulous cold that causes pieces of my brain to come flying out of my nose when I sneeze – however I did get the best sleep last night – I slept like a rock. It is the first time I remember dreaming in a few days (some crazy dream nothing exciting just weird). So all in all everything is peachy keen.

Episode XLXV: “The Theory of Relativity.”

Put your hands on a hot pan and a second can feel like an hour, put your hands on a hot man and an hour can feel like a second.

Such is the way time is at work. For some reason the lunch hour is never long enough and it just flies right by without so much as a phone call the next day. An hour at work and you feel like you have been there all day and everything is running in slow motion.

To bad I can’t get paid for sleeping then the time really flies – although I am trying to stay busy because that does seem to help.

Hope everyone’s day is going faster then mine.

Look What I Just Found!

OMG! I am so friggin cute. I think I was 14 or 15 in this picture and it was taken on some river in North Carolina. I had to share it with everyone because I actually think this might be my natural hair color! Come to think of it I think I started dying my hair shortly after this and got addicted and now I may never know when I actually go gray.

P.S.
I'm pissed that everyone seems to be concerned about my being tired but no one has said "Gee Keri sorry to hear about BOB dying and all." I don't think you all understand how many fish I have killed in the last year it's starting to cause emtional scaring. Which is why I am blaming this one on the Mafia!

Episode XXXX: “Tell Me A Fable.”

Good morning sunshine! So I went out on Tuesday night and ended up closing down the bar. Awesome! Of course I didn’t get to sleep until 5 am and even then I was up and down until noon. So I didn’t get to sleep all day yesterday like I wanted to but I did get an hour nap at Lexie’s yesterday and I got some errands done too. So pretty much nothing to exciting.

Today I work both jobs and don’t get off until like 11:15 tonight and then it’s on to Judi Gras for an hour or so. I am hoping to be in bed by 3 am so tomorrow I will be dragging because I have to do it all again.

Episode XXXVI: “That’s no moon, that’s a SPACE STATION!”

DOUBLE POST!

So I totally just drank coffee. Now I am jamming out and my chair dancing skills are smokin and I’m bouncing off the walls listening to Peter, Paul and Mary.

“Lemon Tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet, but the fruit of poor lemon is impossible to eat.”

Next up: I’m leaving on a Jet Plane, Puff the Magic Dragon and back flips off my desk top.

Coffee is my Crack – which is why I don’t drink it much.

“Luke, I am your Father.”