Episode LXXXX: “I AM STILL ALIVE!”

Sorry folks. Christmas was good and I have been mostly vegging. However Melissa got up here last Friday night and Jessy and her son came over and we proceeded to get drunk at my house. I even put on a little show of counter dancing in my kitchen and I even got to sleep with a little man. Jessy’s son is so adorable he went over to his father’s on Saturday and so did not want to leave he liked hanging out with us girls and having us all dote on him. Then Saturday was a low key night and we all got to bed relatively early at least for us. Then yesterday we proceeded to eat non stop for like 5 hours and painted toes and nails in preparation for tonight. I went to bed early because I actually am at work today. I have tomorrow off though and tonight Melissa is going to be the designated driver. So that is awesome I don’t have to pay for a cab since I can’t afford one anyway. Jessy is still at the house and has been there since Friday night which is great and I am pretty sure she is going out with us tonight “S” is also going out with us tonight and I believe Melody is too. Should be a good night I will try and get a lot of pictures since I haven’t taken any recently. Also my birthday is coming up on Thursday and we are mostly going to celebrate on Friday night but since I have Friday off I might get a jump start on Thursday. Who knows then after that it will be back to just hanging out around the house doing a whole lot of nothing. Hope everyone has a good and safe holiday. Love you all.

Episode LXXXIX: “I CHEATED!”

OK so I got a present from my dad Donald. It was an envelope and it specifically said do not open until Christmas well I assumed it was going to be cash because that is usually what we get so needing the money stat I opened it anyway not cash but a gift card to Victoria Secrets. I screamed “BUTT JEANS!” Now I have been wanting to get some more since my other ones became to large so this is awesome instead of being responsible I have no choice but to buy clothes. Then I had to call my mother and confess because I can’t keep a secret from my mother. Then she said I had a gift card for the same thing coming from Grandpa Bilger (which is awesome). Then she said something that is so true and I quote “You know when it comes to butts and butt jeans the men in this family are all about helping out.” So here is to the fabulous men in my family I will take a picture of my butt in the butt jeans so you can post it on your wall.

PS – Today I received an e-mail from Victoria Secrets that they are having their semi-annual sale so even better. Hope to have my new butt jeans here by New Years.

Episode LXXXVIII: “Completely Sober and In My Right State of Mind.”

HORNY!

Have you ever been so horny that even your underwear makes things worse and you can’t even think about going with out especially with jeans cause that would be even more unbearable? It’s to the point that thinking of something or someone turns you on and yet you are almost to the point of finding some random person to assist with your problem even if you know it wouldn’t be truly satisfying. This was me last night I went home and completely undressed and laid on the bed with no covers nothing touching me because I was super sensitive. Yeah so doing better today but for crying out loud that sucks.

Episode LXXXVII: “7.2 on the Richter Scale!”

So apparently at 11:30 pm last night we had an earthquake out on the Aleutian Chain about 125 west of Adak. Now Adak was my home for two years when I was younger and I have a great fondness for that island. No one was hurt and there was no damage. I didn’t feel a thing as I was asleep but I probably wouldn’t of felt it anyway if I was awake since that is about a thousand miles a way – apparently there was a good size wave that hit somewhere in no where Alaska. Whatever – on to other things.

So the following is a list of stupid things I have done recently:

So I tweaked my back out trying to load myself up with everything that needed to go upstairs because I was too lazy to come back down the stairs and make a second trip.

I spent 20 minutes looking through my bed for the remote that I knew for sure was lost somewhere in the covers and then finally gave up after pissing off the dogs to find the remote on the floor by my bed. Who would have thought to look there?

I totally forgot about my advent calendar until last night and then I started opening up everything and until I was done with only 6 days left unopened I realized I started at the wrong number and completely did it backwards – do these things come with directions (even if it did do you think I stopped to read them).

I have been experiencing major issues with my cell phones. I loose them or forget them or they spend some quality time in the snow. This has happened a lot over the last couple weeks I was complaining to Lexie about it and she politely told me this might mean I am partying too much. DAMN! Lexie just said I party too much. Well I guess that’s true so alas I am cutting back I will be out for New Years and I will be out the following weekend to celebrate my birthday. Then we will see what happens.

PS – I made Kool-Aid last night – haven’t had that in forever!

Episode LXXXVI: “So Long Happy Pills.”

OK so most of you know me well enough to know that I hate taking pills especially ones I have to take daily. Even my Thyroid ones I forget half the time and if I have a headache I am more likely to take a nap then a pain killer. So I just had an appointment with my shrink and we are both in agreement that I don’t need to be on them anymore so we have started a decrease program to get me off of them. So in one months time I will be back to the old Keri although I have learned that it’s OK for me to have a breakdown or be emotional so for those of you that are worried I am going to stop being the crazy Keri have no fear I have never been completely normal EVER – this is hereditary and there is nothing I can do about that the whole family is whacked! Hopefully though this will allow me be less fidgety and to where I can sit down and watch a whole movie again. I miss vegging in front of the TV and it is my personal feeling that this is why I have started my hibernation phase late I should be one month into a coma but alas I am still all over the place. If I don’t get my sleepy time then I get sick and I will never make it through next summer in one piece.

Episode LXXXV: “Full Moon!”

OK last weekend. I started feeling under the weather on Friday night so I went to bed early (at ten) and was awake by 8:30 on Saturday I proceeded to sleep most of the day Saturday and then got ready and went to Tammy’s birthday party at 8:00 then I swung by Jessy and Gabe’s for a bit and then I was going to surprises Joe but when I drove by the house at 10:20 all the lights were out and I’m pretty sure he was sleeping. So I went home to take a couple shots and wait for Tammy to call and tell me when they were moving to Kootz. So in a cab on my way to Kootz about midnight hung out there until just before the bar closed and then Kurt and I went back over to Jessy & Gabe’s and hung out there for awhile (they once again kicked my butt at cards – am getting use to it). Got home around 6:00 am and went to bed. I think I must have eaten about 4 burritos that night I was starving. Slept literally all day on Sunday so I am feeling better not so under the weather but I still think I have a cold coming on.

Also the full moon this month is on Monday Christmas Eve which means I have one week to get my stuff together and sent down to a friend – we are trying an experiment and if it works I will be selling my services for your first born child. It will so be worth it.

P.S. Tool stop critiquing my spelling or I will beat you over the head with a shovel. <- A false disclaimer is nobody’s friend!

Episode LXXXIV: “Can I get a pair of horse blinders please?”

So as I sit here at my desk with my left hand up to my face to block my sight of the left half of my desk. I feel happy and lighter because I have finally finished all the work that was on the right side of my desk. I need to get completely caught up because in a few months I am either going to start my plans for my hostel take over of my company or I am at least going to have everything done if I need to run screaming from the building so that I won’t have a guilt complex. BIG PLANS! But they are secret plans right now but my mind is taking over.

I have also entered my hibernator stage of the winter I am sleeping a lot or just vegging so there won’t be many partying blogs although Tammy’s birthday party is on Saturday so I will be going to that but I don’t know as of yet if I will be staying out late.

Episode LXXXIII: “Extremely Busy Weekend”

OK so as you know we had our Christmas Party on Friday night. The food was so awesome and I even went back for seconds. Then a few of us went over to Jaxx to hang out but since I had a late night on Thursday I was tired and wasn’t feeling it. So I was at home and in bed by 11:45pm. I slept until about 3 in the afternoon making up for the sleep I didn’t get on Thursday night. Then Saturday night I met “S” at Gallos at 9:00pm and we met up with a couple of her co-workers. Then we headed to Kootz where I proceeded to get trashed and I sent a text to most the people in my phone that I was wasted some of you even wrote me back. Then at 1:00am “S” and I left and I got dropped off at Jessy and Gabe’s then they took me home and we played cards for a couple hours. I didn’t get to sleep until 5:00 am. Then I slept all day Sunday waking up for a couple hours here and there for a total of 6 hours of awake time yesterday.

On a side note the cell phone I lost last Saturday was found on my front porch I’m sure the cab driver left it there that night. So I walked by it for almost an entire week before seeing it and then when I did it was frozen to the railing. Oh well it was acting up anyway so I needed a new phone.

Episode LXXXII: “What A Night!”

Well went out got punched in the face for being an innocent bystander (not hard enough to leave a mark but hard enough to piss me off). I ended a streak that was starting to add up again. Won’t go into detail but let’s just say there is nothing more festive then having sex under a Christmas Tree. My neck was red this morning too not sure what happened exactly with that but I have a few ideas. Big Christmas party tonight – I might even blog about it tomorrow.

Episode LXXXI: “The Must Have Party Accessory”

I got a text message yesterday afternoon from “S” a girl that had gone out with us last Saturday. She pretty much wanted to make sure I hadn’t wound up in a ditch somewhere Saturday night. I told her I lost my phone but other then that I was good to go. Then I called Lexie to find out what was going on and she said “S” had called her to see she if she wanted to go out this Saturday with her and some people from work. Then apparently she asked if she could borrow me. So I have turned into the must have party favor and Lexie is my pimp. I don’t mind but I might need to start charging a service charge or something.

So this Friday is Christmas Party – have perfect bronze colored dress to wear and will look totally smashing. Saturday is another night out and I have no idea what to wear – I have absolutely no clothes to wear. OK that is not true but I need to find out what the mood is going to be like do I wear another mini skirt or is it going to be more laid back and I should just wear jeans. Decisions, decisions – oh the effort of looking glamorous.

PS - I just sneezed all over my desk and now my brain hurts.

Episode LXXX: “Jingle Bells – Batman Smells”

OK so along with me having one hell of a night on Saturday night I totally left my cell phone in the cab. That is what happens when you are drunk and distracted by the Big Mac in your hands. So I waited a few days in the hopes that someone would turn it in. No such luck. Now I really wasn’t upset it was time for me to get a new phone anyway but half the phone numbers in there I don’t have anymore. So for those of you whose numbers that have been lost you are currently saved from any random drunk text messages for the time being. Although I think most of the people who read this on a regular basis and who comment you are safe I had all your numbers in my computer. So now I am sporting a new Royal Blue KRAZOR phone it’s totally cute. Although a whole two and a half days without a cell phone was like walking around without a hand.

Anyway tonight I buy a Christmas Tree and decorate it with my fabulous crystal ornaments. I will take a picture and post it later. Also I must rest up our company Christmas party is this Friday and the guys are already talking about who all is going out to party afterward. Personally I hope they all come out after as I will not have to buy a drink all night and I already have my designated driver lined up and he is already scared.

Update

OK so apparently I would have to take out a full page ad in the Anchorage Daily News to apologize for any embarrassing behavior. Although I don’t want you to think that I only did that stuff because I was drinking I am just more flexible when alcohol is involved. So the above picture is from Jaxx and yes that is my chubby tummy and the afore mentioned love handles. You like it I know you do. Also to nameless man I apologize for back pain but would like to remind you that you stretched out before that or was that after?

Episode LXXIX: “A Great Hair Day.”

Names have not been used to protect the innocent!

So Saturday I went out with some friends. This picture is of me in the cab ride to Platinum Jaxx my hair looked so good that night. I was all hoed out in a jean mini skirt and brown hoe boots and yes my belly was even showing – apparently the guys love it when your love handles are showing I can’t even tell you how many random guys I danced with but it was all good I had a blast. Then of course I moved to Kootz later in the night to finish off my night. Took a cab home and ended up spending the night in the princess chair until about 8:00am.

Unfortunately the one moment before we went out at which point I knew I was already buzzed was not captured on film. This event which could never be recreated while sober consisted of me jumping on the front of a certain someone (who will remain nameless) telling him to hold me wrapping my legs around his waist and doing that baby thing (you know where they tend to throw themselves backward) which ended up with me hanging from said guys waist upside down with my hands and head by the floor and all this in a mini skirt. Of course being a gentleman said guy did not look down during this (I was wearing a thong which leaves nothing to the imagination) and I am so surprised BFF didn’t launch me out the window.

Not that it was just one big party this weekend I also cleaned the house and moved furniture and I plan on getting a Christmas Tree tomorrow and decorating it.

Episode LXXVIII: “It’s that time of year again.”

You know that time of year where I want to take a cheese grater to my shins or better yet just cut my legs off at the knee. They are so dry there isn’t enough lotion in the verse to keep me hydrated (of course I know drinking more water this time of year would help but it’s just so tasteless). Also it is now officially the count down to Christmas so I will be avoiding any unnecessary trips anywhere that might remotely be near a retail source. To all my friends and family I love you all very much but don’t get me anything for Christmas because I am not getting you anything because I am broke and I don’t want to feel guilty. You all might get cards if I get around to getting them out but that is about it.

Episode LXXVII: “Thanksgiving SURPRISE!”

Jiminy Cricket did we get mom good! Don and I had spent the last 5 to 6 weeks planning a surprise trip for me down to Seattle for Thanksgiving. If you have a secret tell Don. No one knew I was coming down but the two of us then earlier last week I told a few of my friends up here in Alaska that I would not be around. So here is what happened.

First after a really horrendous flight down (I hate to fly – I was even tempted to not get on the plane once) I was sure I was going to die like three times there was so much turbulence. I arrived in Seattle at 9:15 on Wednesday night. I’m pretty sure that Grandpa’s spirit was there to greet me when I got off the plane because all of the sudden I had some personality traits back that I had left behind when I had gone home last March to say goodbye to Grandpa. The main one being my attitude and my MOXY! That’s right – I am back to the old Keri. Don met me at baggage claim having left early from the hockey game and we worked out my entrance. He also picked me up in the Jag so even though it was in the 30’s I asked him if we could drive home with the top down. We did and it was fabulous. He dropped me off at the corner so I could wait for him to get inside and then he called me to say everyone was in the hot tub out back. Everyone being mom, Walter and Brenda. So I snuck around back and came barreling through the gate with my new attitude saying “Geez – what’s a girl got to do to get some service around here!” At which point it was dark in the backyard so until I got almost all the way to the hot tub no one recognized me. Mom stood and was speechless (I’m pretty sure if she wasn’t already wet she would have wet her pants). It was so fabulous I gave Don a high five right there. We are such a team. Anyway so that was a great night. Then Thursday morning Tanya called to ask what time she needed to come up from Tacoma and mom handed her the phone and let her talk to me so of course after finding out I was there she had to come right up.

Thursday afternoon we drove up to aunt Laura’s and uncle Brian’s for dinner there was a total of 15 people there it was fun tons of laughing. Me and Tanya drove home together and then she went back home to her puppy. Friday mom and I went shopping at Ross because seriously the universe would be very upset with me if I went to Seattle and didn’t go to Ross – bad Karma! I couldn’t risk it. Then we all hung out on Friday and Brenda and Walter left Friday night. I left to fly home on Saturday afternoon and then proceeded to veg the rest of the weekend. I got my green bean casserole so the world is right with me. Hope everyone else had a great Thanksgiving too.

Episode LXXVI: “Hmm, Well Shit.”

This is totally my new motto: “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out screaming ‘WOO HOO what a ride!”

So with this in mind I actually have every intention of sliding in with a Kate Spade purse holding a bunch of the little plastic mermaids that accompany a cocktail made by Joe, Coach Shoes so worn out from dancing you can’t even read the label and my Christian Dior sunglasses (which believe it or not I still have not lost and they currently hold the record for longest lasting sunglasses in the history of Keri) hiding the wrinkles on my face that as of right now have not appeared because I am fabulous.

While we all know I have no problem with my self esteem and I know I am fabulous and I know that you all know I am fabulous. However there are some out there who have not grasp this knowledge (to the random guy standing next to me at the bar wondering where his drink is because he was there first – for like an hour, to the girl at Best Buy who looks confused by the fact that this girl in a pink ski cap and jeans with a big fluffy vest on is getting all the attention from everyone – “I just realized this the other night – apparently I have a great aura”, to the nameless ones out there you know who you are) I AM FABULOUS! And I will beat you over the head with my handbag until you realize it.

So while I realize that I have a certain talent to talk my way in or out of anything (I am pretty sure I could talk my way on to Air Force One if I wanted too). I have decided not to use my power for evil but to help others who I think deserve it so if there is anything any of my peeps need you holla at me and I will let my mojo flow.

Episode LXXV: “Sneaky – Sneaky!”

OK to all my girls we all know that when we are not in a relationship or we don’t have big plans we tend to let ourselves go sometimes. Well that has happened to me the last week and today I paid for my mistake. I went in to the doctor for a fairly routine reason and that sneaky little man sprung the unmentionable on me. So now as I sit here at work the moment I get home I am taking my 2nd shower of the day and I am going to de-hair-ify myself. Why you ask the damage is already done – because this is apparently why mom always tells you to wear clean underwear. You never know.

Episode LXXIV: “Girls, What’s my Weakness.”

BIG MACS!

Seriously had one heck of a night last night – had a bad day wanted to kill people. Went out and got completely wasted and was home by 10:30. Short night but filled with my emotional maelstrom that would rival hurricane Katrina. She’s up she’s down she’s mad at everyone she’s crying so hard she’s shaking.

Yeah: Me – Me – Me – I – I –I!

Now anyone that knows me knows I don’t get mad very often I tend to hold it in which isn’t exactly healthy but it works for me. Then about once a year I have a melt down and there usually is a big argument and then I feel better (usually my mom is the one who gets to see this softer side of Keri). Well there was almost one of these full blown episodes last night except all day yesterday everybody could sense I was mad so no one would argue with me and I need to argue to get it out – so now it’s just going to fester and last until I can have a good row with someone. So I guess that was everyone’s warning – stand back.

Episode LXXIII: “SUPER STAR!”

So I had a blast on Friday night – didn’t even make it home to my own bed. Instead I completely invaded Lexie’s. Tore up her living room and ate her food. It was fabulous I however did pay for it on Saturday with a fabulous hangover. But I vegged all day on Sunday to make up for it. Of course now my own house is trashed and I have to do some major cleaning today. Oh well. At least I know for sure that Lexie is so my home girl who else can you show up at their house at 3:00 am and just invite yourself in. Much love to you girl.

Episode LXXII: “I nearly fainted in the WalMart dressing room.”

Seriously! I was walking by the jeans section which is the same jeans I have on today. On a whim I decided to try on a pair of size 9 since the ones I have on are a little baggy. I pulled them up and zipped them without having to suck it in and then I’m pretty sure that the people who work there think I’m a big freak because I was like WOOHOO! I haven’t worn that size since my senior year in high school. Damn that was a great year too – oh so much fun. Anyway I just thought I would share with everyone.

By the way I also went tanning on my lunch and now I have that nice burnt smell. I figured out that I only get that smell when I use the tanning lotions but it’s not enough for me not to use it.

A little tanner and skinnier up here in the frozen north.

Episode LXXI: “Boogada Boogada AH AH AH!”

Well Happy Halloween to everyone. Sorry for the delay in the blogging it’s been kind of hectic and I wasn’t really feeling it.

Here is my question do you believe in premonitions? I do my family has had some pretty strange things happen that lead me to believe in them. So with this in mind I tell everyone that everything is going to be just ducky for me.

Lately I have been catching up on some well needed sleep and just relaxing. I did have a slight melt down on Friday and actually ran away from my own house – is that weird? Have you ever just had the urge to just be by yourself? Well I did Friday. I needed to get away and think I tried to run to my happy place – which is Big Lake because I am always happy when I am out there – however the Big Lake Motel is under remodel and I couldn’t get a room so I had to back track to Wasilla and checked into the Best Western Lake Lucille Inn. I have been to this hotel before so I knew that the suites had a Jacuzzi tub. Well I did it I splurged on a two room suite. It seriously took nearly 45 minutes to fill the tub up because it’s a double but once it was I grabbed my Bacardi Razz and sprite and hopped in and relaxed watching TV (YO Harry Potter) it was the best then I was in bed early and up the next morning at 9:30 am. I woke up and did that whole Disney thing of whipping the curtains open and the view was astounding. One of the sun shiniest days we have had in a while and the lake was mostly frozen over and white and the mountains in the background – I really do love this state. Suddenly my state of mind changed and I was having a really darn good day (impressive considering I am not normally even technically alive at that time in the morning on a weekend). So I drove home and I have been good ever since.

So yes I am still alive and no I have not started my hibernation yet. Hope everyone else is all good – much love.

Episode LXX: “Simon says – WAKE UP!”

In 89 days it will have been exactly 5 years that I have lived up here in Anchorage (that is so surreal). When I first moved up here I didn’t know anyone and I had no family close by. (I have a grandfather out in Palmer – who I just met when I first moved up here and I had an aunt that lived out in Kenai) For the most part though I was on my own. I had never lived on my own either. So after spending the first couple weeks scared out of my mind in my house trying to get use to the noises I asked the people that I work with to look after me. For some reason I had this irrational fear of me dying alone (which wouldn’t be so bad) but if that happened I was afraid that Pucky would starve to death before anyone realized I was gone.

Now I have never done a “no call, no show” ever in my life. So I told the people I work with that and said that if I was ever more then 30 minutes late and had not called in to call me and if I did not respond in a timely manner to come over to my house and look for me because I am probably dead. Now I have been late and sometimes I have forgotten to change my alarm clock or to set it. However my body usually wakes me up about ten minutes before I have to be to work (usually in panic mode) this function works on the weekends too when I am still asleep and not sure what day of the week it is. This usually gives me enough time to call in and say I am going to be late.

However two weeks ago my alarm didn’t go off and my body didn’t wake me up. So work called me at home 30 minutes after my shift should have started and woke me up. I panic barely got dressed I was so upset I would have totally ran out of the house naked. Now further investigations revealed that my alarm clock was possessed. Now I knew this since it would randomly go off for no reason in the middle of the night or if my cell phone got a message or a call, but it never had not gone off when it was suppose too. So alarm clock was fired. However I was too broke then to go out and buy a new one so I continued to use it while also using my cell phone as a back up because that was not happening again, EVER!

Well to the point of my story – last night I went out and purchased a new alarm clock. When you first get an alarm clock even if you test it the first couple of nights your always worried about it not going off or not going to be loud enough. So last night I set it up but didn’t test it because I figured my backups would be good if it didn’t work. So I set my cell phone and a travel alarm clock both of which are fairly soft alarms they both sort of just annoy you until you wake up. This morning I woke up to what sounded like a direct signal from the system Vega right into my brain. “Simon says get up – NOW!” Of course I jump out of my skin and start flailing about for the snooze button, once I finally get it turned off the other ones start going off. Now I like to snooze plus I was so confused that I couldn’t figure out how to turn anything off. So I snoozed them all and dozed back off. Then again they went off this happened for almost and hour (needless to say my bed companions (dogs, cat, boy) were not real pleased). Oh well I know that I won’t be late again.

Episode LXIX: “Hey Where Did Everybody GO!”

Well my weekend was good in the long run.

Friday – Well it just sucked – but my girl Lexie was there to save me and brought me over a care package – which included rum and soon everything was just SWELL.

Saturday – I started my evening out by getting dressed up formally to attend a Breast Cancer Charity Ball (I was joined by Lexie and Melody) it was cool the food was awesome ( I am all over that cream sauce). Then we left there and Me and Mel made a quick debut at Kootz in our lovely finery and I do me quick it was the shortest time I have ever spent at Kootz. I however did go home and change and then go back there in the comfort of Yellow Cab. I hung out with my boys in the Swing Bar until they opened – they are trying to get me a job there doing some MIC work (you know hollering at the crowd and pumping everyone up) but that is not all I would have to do and they waited until I was drunk – to lay this one on me. I would also be the cage dancer for the R & B side. Yep that’s right – Shiny! I tried to back peddle my way out saying my body was not good enough for that but they weren’t going for it then I said I didn’t have anything to wear and they mentioned a clothing allowance. (I’ll admit – that got me – until I sobered up the next day – then I was like “What the Hell was I thinking”) Anyway! Thank the powers that be that I didn’t turn the application in that night like I was going too. Serves me right for going there with out my backup.

Well Poppy, Mark and I went back to my house to party and we left Kootz before 11:00. Then we waited on the others to join us which they did about 1:15 am. Then we continued to party all night long. Finally we put in the Transformer movie in at 7:30 am and Poppy and I were passed out on the couch in 15 mins. I woke up at 9 am and looked around wondering where everyone else had gone until I found a note in my kitchen saying they left. Damn – sneaky people. So I retired up to my room and slept until 1 pm. Then we just chilled most of the day on Sunday.

Over the course of Friday Night through Sunday Night I managed to (partially) watch Transformers 4 times. I think I have memorized the movie – but it is an awesome movie.

MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE - I will reign victorious for many years to come.

Episode LXVIII: “I think I can I think I can!”

OK so I just had a run in with the bionic staple “The Force Is Strong With This One”. It was a long battle and I was starting to get tired and sweaty but I persevered and won out in the end. That staple really just didn’t want to go in the trash. It had become one with the paper but it was no match (OK maybe a little) for me and the jaws of my bright pink staple remover.

Pink my new signature color.

Last night we went bowling and I was using the ugly green ball the guys were using and I was sucking so bad you could have named me Hoover. Finally I decided that I was doing so crappy because the ball was just not girlie enough for me. So I went on a quest (which turned out to be almost as perilous as Atreyu trying to save fantasia). I however had my lucky charm (Atreyu had the Orrin) in the form of my Grandpa’s Navy coat and therefore was able to locate a light 10 pound BRIGHT ASS PINK ball and then I even bowled a couple of strikes.

Moral of this story: If I have any pink – stand back because I am unstoppable!

Episode LXVII: “It’s about that time!”

That’s right the moment you all have been waiting for – picture from hoed Up night!

That’s right we are still the hotness.

And that's all you get folks!

Episode LXVI: “I Have The BLACK PLAGUE!”

It has to be that because no normal cold should be able to survive the amount of alcohol I have been drinking. I was so not feeling well on Friday I had this major cold. So I went home and went to bed at 6:00 and slept until 10 then the dogs woke me up to go outside then I was up for about three hours and then I went back to bed at 1 and slept in until noon. It was fabulous. Then I laid around the house on day Saturday and then got ready for the party Saturday night – I made Chicken Cheese Enchilada’s that were pretty darn good if I do say so myself. Most people started showing up around 8:30 to 9:00 and then most of them left at like 10:45 to go to the bar. But it was me, Mikey, Mel and Marcella then Marcella left to go out and me and Mikey proceeded to get down to the Backstreet Boys and Insync – yep that’s right we have no shame we even got Mel to dance a little with us. Well they left at around 11:30 and I stayed and waited for the 2nd group of people to come. They showed up around midnight and we continued to party and when the bars closed down Tammy and Marcella came back in and joined us for a bit and finally I had to kick everyone out at 4:30 because I was done. All and all not a bad party and I got to just chill on Sunday. Back to work and the everyday grind today.

Drunk Blogging!

Not a good conbo! But I am doing it anyway - so yeah chillin at my house it's a pre party for this Saturday! YeeHaw!

Episode LXV: “It’s COLD!”

Seriously I had a great night last night so today nothing can burst my bubble.

Had steak last night – it was awesome! I am turning into a fabulous cook – it’s kind of scary actually.

So that is all folks – this is Suzy homemaker signing off.

Episode LXIV: “Holy CRAP Batman!”

So my blog came to me in my dreams last night and said “YO! Post something before I get all moldy!”

Seriously it has been a busy week. Still no pictures from Hoed Up Night. Sam has moved out and Melody has moved in. Friday found me hanging out at Lexie’s house for a bit getting in my girl time – it was cool lets just say that lots of talking and giggling. A little bit of dress up – that’s right Keri in pink hoe boots and pink lingerie – maybe photos will be posted of that too – MAYBE. Then I went home and before I could go to bed I got a phone call from some friends that wanted to come hang out for a bit to escape some drama. So they ended up hanging out for 3 hours it was really chilled especially since I had all my furniture shoved into the kitchen and dining room because I had my carpets cleaned Friday afternoon. So we sort of threw a blanket down and vegged.

Saturday Melody woke me up at 1:00 pm which was awesome because I needed to get up anyway. So we got together and moved her stuff from the storage place and into my house. Then I proceed to clean like a fiend and right now the only room not clean is the down stairs bathroom I will get to that later. So major moving and then up all night cleaning and then I went to bed at like 4:00am then got up on Sunday to go to work.

Sunday got off of work at 8:15pm and then went to help Mac move – had slight problem with lift gate on the work truck had to call Lance to come rescue me. He fixed it but we had been standing outside for a couple hours and I was chilled to the bone. Went home and took the hottest shower I could stand just to warm up. Yep – winter is here and I am not happy about it.

Lets talk about all the moving I have helped with since I started this blog (go ahead and check back to Memorial Day weekend). Tons! I have bruises all over my body that I don’t remember getting and when you are as white as me they look even worse not to mention I get that red splotchy look when I get cold. So not attractive. Anyway tonight is dinner at my house with a possible mention of helping Mac again tonight if he needs it.

Dinner Menu: I crave red meat! NOW!

Episode LXIII: “Hoed Up Doin Big Thangs!”

Well let’s see Wednesday night or more accurately Thursday morning 1:30 am found me sitting in the Anchorage International Airport waiting for Melissa’s plane to arrive. I met her outside of security and escorted her to the baggage claim to get her bags. Drove home and threw her into the room and went to bed and was asleep by 2:30 am. Worked Thursday morning and then ended up not going in to BB&B on Thursday night because “was so tired needed nap” so that night we hung out at the house and got some drink on – welcome back to Alaska Melissa this is now the party house. Went to bed at around 4:00 am Friday morning and then woke up to go to work. Dragged my butt around all day and then went home and took a nap woke up just as people started to get to my house for the party. No cooking for Keri I opted out and ordered pizza. We all left from my house around 11:00 to go to Kootz and then I ended up leaving and going home at 12:30 (Yes I left Melissa there with a note for her cab driver as to how to get to my house and my phone number.

12:30 – Get home go to bed.
1:30 – Get a phone call that the guy I left in charge of Melissa was kicked out of the bar because he lost his license in the bar so he was worried about her so he called me. I had a lot of people I knew there so I wasn’t worried about her.
2:45 – Get phone call from cab driver, he can’t find the place and I have to verbally tell him how to get there – I think I should have charged him.
3:30 Melissa gets home and I proceed to completely pass out now that everyone is where they are suppose to be.

I finally got to sleep in until like 1:30 in the afternoon – IT WAS SO AWESOME! I haven’t been able to do that in weeks. At 2:00 we had to run some errands and swing by a Halo party (I stole some fish) and then we finally get back to the house at like 4:30 and then we start getting ready for dressed up night out at 5:30 left house headed back to Halo party (pretended I was hired stripper for the boys since I was dressed like one). Then left them engrossed in the game we barely even phased them. Then headed over to Dallas’s house to say good-bye to Debbie since she is leaving the state today. Then ended back up at my house at 8:00 – proceeded to get our drink on at the house and then called a cab to go downtown to Platinum Jaxx. (Melissa left her ID at the house I made her cab back by herself to get it) So it was me, Melissa and Poppy and we met Lance and Celeste there and then Marcella and Michelle showed up and we all looked awesome in our black dresses or skirts (we really need to do that more often). Then we hung out and then Melissa, Poppy and Me went to Kootz and met up with Mel and then Alexis and Bri Bri showed up and so did Mac and Tippin. We continued to get our drink on and close down the bar. I was DJ Lefty’s personal dancer and spent most of my night up in the DJ booth getting my dance on.

We all got back to the house all 6 of us at about 3:15 and then continued to party and then Mac and Tippin left (I think they might have walked home) at about 5:00am I was in bed and asleep by 6 and then up and awake by 11:30 then we decided to get our Betty Crocker on and I made breakfast (scrambled eggs, sausage, hash browns and Melissa made pancakes). Then we proceeded to lounge around the house all day then I made dinner and I took Melissa to the airport at 11:00 pm Sunday night and then went home and went to bed.

So all in all a good weekend “Big Thangs” and now Melissa really wants to move up here.

Episode LXII: “Pucky looks OK but your tarter sauce doesn’t”

HA! Anyway – so I am more awake today but I have made the decision to put in my two weeks with BB&B I can’t keep working these hours it is wreaking havoc on my body, I was so tired yesterday I must have ran into 20 different things including a support beam and the coffee pot shelves have totally had it out for me since I started there. So once I decided this a big weight was lifted and I totally feel tons better. I have a little something, something going on the side that if it all works out I will let you all know. (NO I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING ILLEGAL)

Melissa gets in tomorrow night and then this weekend we have big things planned and there will be pictures to post this time too. It’s going to be one long weekend with all the things I have to go to Saturday especially but there will be drinking and so there will be stories to tell.

PS – I have not been on MySpace in awhile because I am currently mad at GCI so I didn’t pay them but I think they have won the battle because I can’t go any longer without my internet – it’s driving me crazy.

Episode LXI: “Just Shoot Me NOW!”

Man did I have one hell of a weekend. Friday morning I woke up and went to work from 8 to 5 and then got off and then went home and made my Beer Batter Halibut (which was awesome I might add – you may have noticed there were no smoke signals). Melody and Marcella came over to eat and then Melody went home and Marcella, Me and Poppy went out we started at Platinum Jaxx and were there by 8:30 hung out there until about 10 ish (apparently we missed Tammy and Tool and everyone). We then moved over to the Last Frontier and hung out there for an hour. Then we were going to meet someone at the River City Bar or something in Eagle River – so we drove out there and felt so out of place because me and Marcella were all dressed up for downtown bar hopping and Poppy was of course all ganstered out. Everyone else at this hole in the wall bar was dressed in jeans and hoodies and it was mostly a bunch of country boys. Normally this would not bother me because the Last Frontier is the same way and I feel at home there. But then Poppy made a comment to me and Marcella about being our pimp and being a man he wasn’t seeing the looks these guys were giving us we have never felt like pieces of meat before (only one other time was I this uncomfortable at a bar). Then the person we were supposed to meet didn’t show up in time so we totally bailed after like 20 minutes. So on the way back into town we get a call from Lexie and also Melody and we decide to meet everyone at Kootz. When we get there it is about midnight and the line is so long it’s down the front and around the side of the building. This doesn’t faze me because we all know I don’t have to wait in line. So we walk past and when I got the front door I almost had to throw down on this one girl who had a VIP line pass ticket and she said that even VIP’s had to wait in the line that night – So I gave her the “Oh really? Keri look” and proceeded to walk past her while Poppy and Marcella waited out front and of course the bouncer was like hey and go on in. So when we walked past the girl – I couldn’t help but smile. Normally I am not like that but she didn’t have to say that too me in such a rude tone. Anyway we proceeded to close down the bar that night (On a side note: they were so under staffed for security and I have never seen so many people vomiting in one night in my life and that includes some outrageous house parties I have been too). One guy almost puked on my Ho Boots – lucky for him he missed other wise I would have escorted him out myself – needless to say he didn’t last too long. So we got home around 3:30am Saturday morning and I didn’t get to sleep until 5:00 am then I had to be up at 8:00 to be to work at 9. I worked until 5 and then planned on taking a nap because we had a show to go too that night.

Saturday night after I got off Tool met at the house at 6:00 pm so we could move a car (try steering a vehicle in neutral with it off and see what a work out for your arms this it). So by the time that was done I had to start getting ready for the night (NO NAP FOR KERI). Left the house at 8:00 and we were at Club O by 10:15 for the Arctic Flow Show (which was awesome by the way). Well we stayed at the club until about 1:30 and then ended up at a house and then were going to go to another house but then ended up coming back to house number one. So I got many compliments for being such a cool chick and designated driver. However at 5:30 am Sunday morning Cool Keri had left the building and was replaced by I’m getting tired and have to be up in a few hours Keri. So I finally made it to my bed at 7:00 am and had to get up at 10:00 am to go to work another eight hour day at BB&B didn’t get off until 7:00 pm. Got home and talked to Lexie on the phone for 45 minutes and then my mother and then finally passed out at 9:30 pm. Up at 7:30 and to work at 8:00 – still here and functioning but I also have to work tonight at BB&B until 10:00 pm then I have every intension of going home and passing out until 7:00 tomorrow morning and I will be repeating that schedule for tomorrow as well. Wednesday I just have to work 8 to 5 but Melissa comes in at like midnight so I will be going to the airport to pick her up I might have time to take a nap that day but I really have been slacking on the laundry thing only doing a load here and there and so I really just need to do that. So Thursday will be another 8 to 5 and 5:30 to 10 day and then it will be Friday and I will be having a get together at my house Friday night before heading out to the bar and then Saturday will be another night out – but at least I am off this weekend from BB&B. I guess what I am saying is that you might not be hearing from me until next Monday – don’t panic I am sure with next weekend it will be one heck of a post.

P.S. I’m not sure the second job is worth the $9.50 an hour they are paying me.

Episode XLXX: “I Think My Roman Numerals Might Be Screwed Up – OH WELL!”

OK so Girl’s Night has not happened yet it keeps being postponed, because I am a bad bad friend.

However tonight I might be cooking – I know scary thought. Very few of you can attest to baring witness to my little secret that I can actually cook – I choose not too most of the time and when I feel I have too I tend to make something that comes out of a box from Costco. However when I put my mind to it and have no other distractions (I have bad cooking ADD) I tend to lay out a good meal and I totally don’t burn it. Tonight it’s Beer Batter Halibut Chunks and made be even home made fries. However if for some reason I do get distracted I will send out a smoke signal in the form of my house burning down – those of you in Seattle will be informed as well by the smoke clogged air that will no doubt fill your skies causing anyone with breathing problems to lock themselves in the house for days. I apologize now for any inconvenience!

Episode XLXIX: “Girl’s Night!”

Oh My Goodness! It is girl’s night – the three amigo’s are back in action – I am so excited. I will be dining and drinking it up at Casa De Lexie’s and we will be pigging out on Mexican Food and drinking Margarita’s and I will be crashing over there and then driving home in the morning to make it to work. Should be interesting! Maybe there will be pictures to post too. I might even suffer a bout of “PantsPullUpettes!” Stand back old women who lives upstairs above Lexie your worst nightmare has come to your apartment building – I can so take you!

Episode XLXVIII: “Giggles!”

Well folks I have the giggles today. I am finding the oddest things really funny. Lance has already had to suffer for my amusement. At least he is glad that his miserable day is funny to me and he was able to lift my spirits. No really he is not – he is only 30 minutes into his day and it’s only going to get worse. HA! I’m sorry I find this funny. I have to work tonight ad I don’t find that funny because my knee is just starting to feel better. It’s an old snow boarding injury from a few years ago (thanks Jaime) that would occasionally act up – however since I started the 2nd job it has been continuously hurting. So with this last weekend off it started to feel better. I’m too young to need a knee replacement yet.

UPDATE: So it is three hours into mine and Lance’s day and we are both wanting to kill people. I went out back into the shop in time to see Lance chucking pipe across the warehouse. I snickered and then made a run for it to the relative safety of my office – I guess I am just glad that I am not suffering alone.

Episode XLXVII: “Sweated my butt off in leather pants.”

So I made it over my emotional hump on Friday night and went to a going away party for Jenn on Saturday. Tammy got us a designated driver (Mikey your awesome) and so by the time they picked me up at my house to go out at 7:45 I had already downed 3 shots. I was all sorts of hoed out in my black leather pants and was looking so hot I wanted to do myself. Then we pull up to the Anchor and it’s just us three for a bit the party girl ends up showing up late to her own party. Then when everyone all showed up it ended up being about 20 people there (I had 2 more shots and two soda’s and a little bit of a pasta dish) then since Lexie and Mel were waiting for us at the Shed we headed over there and I got my dance on (that actually started at the Anchor) and had a “Trash Can” and got a glow in the dark bracelet. I also proceeded to leave my ATM card at that bar – I had to go back the next day to get it. Then since it wasn’t that busy at the Shed we decided to move to Kootz at which point I proceeded to have two more drinks (of something – don’t know Joe made them) and a half a shot of Taste the Rainbow. I did drink one bottle of water but at 1:20 I was drunk and tired and got a cab home to pass out in my own bed. I had a blast though and so have to do it again. Suffered a slight hang over on Sunday though was mostly laid up with this cold and then I met up with Staci and Tammy for dinner at the Moose’s Tooth and then went home and was asleep by ten.

Saturday night was awesome I got in some time with my boys Mikey and Tool who good naturedly let me grind up on them and Mikey became my permanent dance partner until I went home. Apparently I was oblivious to the attention from random guys and just brushed past them much to the annoyance of Lexie but hey – you can ask my mother I have been doing that for years. She use to enjoy walking behind me in the mall to watch people’s reaction to me and me not even paying attention – whatever. Sorry folks I’m not looking right now try back at another time.

Emotions sucks!

So as I sit here in the dark crying and drinking (I wonder if this means I'm a closet alcoholic - NAW - don't drink enough) so with the good emtions come the bad ones - so I am just chilling wondering what's wrong with me. Who knew! I miss my Grandpa and my girls in Seattle not to mention my family - I haven't been home in too long and when I do it will be weird that my Grandpa won't be there the slient steady rock that was my anchor. I have the whole weekend off from my second job so hopefully I can straighten myself out before Monday. Signing off maybe a another drunk post later in the evening to update all on my current status.

Episode XLXVI: “French Tickler – What about the man?”

Good Morning Sunshine’s! So I have kind of been in a funk lately hence the no blogging but I am all better now and I have returned to my happy place. You haven’t missed much pretty much the all the same stuff – going out and working. Saturday night had a blast – Lexie has a picture of me pulling down the front of my shirt and showing off my bra with Brian and Andrew next to me (it’s looks like Andrew might be grabbing my boob but I’m pretty sure there was no actual contact – since I was sober it’s my memory we will be trusting). I haven’t decided about posting the picture yet. Not sure I want you all to know me that well.

Anyway – I have this really fabulous cold that causes pieces of my brain to come flying out of my nose when I sneeze – however I did get the best sleep last night – I slept like a rock. It is the first time I remember dreaming in a few days (some crazy dream nothing exciting just weird). So all in all everything is peachy keen.

Episode XLXV: “The Theory of Relativity.”

Put your hands on a hot pan and a second can feel like an hour, put your hands on a hot man and an hour can feel like a second.

Such is the way time is at work. For some reason the lunch hour is never long enough and it just flies right by without so much as a phone call the next day. An hour at work and you feel like you have been there all day and everything is running in slow motion.

To bad I can’t get paid for sleeping then the time really flies – although I am trying to stay busy because that does seem to help.

Hope everyone’s day is going faster then mine.

Episode XLXIV: “First Chapter Meeting for: Phi Beta Kappa – I.V.C.”

So last night I went over to Alexis’s house to get some girl time in. When I got there I was given a home cooked meal and then I sat on one end of the couch and Mel on the other and then Lexie sat in the middle. We sat out there commiserating and watching C.S.I. reruns on the Spike channel. Meanwhile Bri Bri was hold up in the bedroom getting his school work done and pretty much leaving us girls to ourselves – I think he might have been a little scared. The night ended with a snuggle fest on Lexie’s bed. I was in bed relatively early for me. However some idiot keeps calling my phone (Private) in the middle of the night – if I don’t know the number and you are not programmed into my phone and you don’t have the decency to leave a message – I am so not going to answer your call or call you back. HOW RUDE!

Episode XLXIII: “I’m Broke, I’m Broke, I’m Broke”

So I am finally paying for the arrogance that is the American Dream that of the Credit Card. I recommend that if you don’t have one – never get one. I am so far in the hole that I can’t even see the daylight. It’s starting to affect everything. This slow burn that is my debt problem started years ago but came tumbling down at the first of the year. I am going to have to pick up more hours at work but I am not looking forward to that if I can just get caught up I know I can defeat this and with both jobs I can be on my feet again. All in all it’s been one lousy year and I can’t wait for it to be over. Hey anyone want to lend me a thousand dollars!

I am Faust and have made a deal with the devil aka Visa or MasterCard.

Episode XLXII: “Back to life, back to reality, back to the here and now.”

OK so everything is back to the way it should be. Poppy got back last night and we put in an appearance at Kootz, I haven’t been there in almost a week, so it was like old home week. Anyway ran into Joe my bartender who was actually playing night bar manager last night – so way to go Joe! Moving up that ladder – although tonight he will be back to being my bartender.

I am planning on having the last chance summer dance BBQ on Saturday. It will be the last one for this year. We are going to just start having indoor parties for the winter. It’s coming up on that time of year where I usually start hibernating. So if it comes to you thinking I have fallen off the face of the earth – I am just sleeping.

Episode XLXI: “Busy Little Bee”

I am posting this picture so you can see what Bri Bri looks like and this is him with Josh. These are my boys but I share them with Lexie on occasion, HA! Seriously these two are awesome and there was some drinking after I left on Thursday night, why is Josh grabbing his chest – don’t know I wasn’t there.

So I have been busy since my last post lots of working and cleaning around the house. Tonight I have to clean the carpets and I still haven’t finished my laundry. I am hoping to have everything done by the end of the week since there will be a BBQ at my house on Saturday and that way if it rains or something I will not be embarrassed to have the party moved indoors. I will not be attending Kootz until possibly Thursday night not sure yet. Busy Busy Busy!

Hope everyone has “Big Things” planned for the holiday weekend and I want everyone to have fun and be safe!

Episode XLX: “I have a lovely bunch of coconuts.”

Ok so Poppy has left me for the next few days so to cheer myself up I agreed to meet Lexie and Mel at Kootz last night even though I was originally planning on going home and going right to bed. Well those two were late – because lets face it we are all the queens of the fashionably late crew. So I spent the first 30 minutes by myself (not really Joe my bartender kept me company) until the girls showed up at like 8:45. We hung out went over the old business and addressed the new business and then brought the meeting of the “Sex and the City – Alaska Chapter” to a close and then I totally bailed on my girls at 10 and was at home in bed 10:30 I was out like a rock and slept well considering. I have to work both jobs tonight and I am going to take a break from all the partying to do some much needed cleaning/organizing around the house. So I will post something on Monday although not sure if anything interesting will happen over the weekend.

PS – I have a ringing in my ears – what’s that mean.

Episode XLIX: “Let's revisit the pole dancing.”

So last night I ended up going to Kootz again because some friends were celebrating a birthday party. So Mel and I got there at 10 and met up with Poppy. We were all hanging out in the swing bar listen to this guy sing Karaoke and I was pole dancing with the support beams again when all of the sudden the singer came up and started to sing to me. Whoa big fella! I was not dancing for you. Mel is so fired because she just started to laugh (she is such a lousy wing man) and Poppy was no help either. So I guess that is the last time I dance when sober if I would have been drunk I wouldn’t have cared but since I wasn’t it was like “Uh – NO! Back away slowly little man.” Anyway so the comedy show is tonight and we will be there again. But I will not be going anywhere near that pole tonight.

Episode XLVIII: “Pretty In Pink”

OK not the best picture – Mr. Doubly is back ruining my photos but you get the point with the hair. The above reference picture was taken on Friday night before we went out to Kootz. Me and Melody were as always waiting on Lexie and we decided to pose for a picture on her bed. We didn’t stay out late and I was home by 1:30.

I had to work the closing shift both days this weekend, but after I got off on Saturday I met up with Michelle’s birthday party at Bernie’s and then we headed over to Platinum Jacks, literally walked through the Gaslight and said hello to T00L and then ended up at the Woodshed I had a total of two drinks and for some reason was pretty buzzed must have been the lack of dinner and sleep – but I had a blast and today Michelle is officially 30. I have nothing exciting planned for tonight just doing some laundry and cleaning because if the house is a mess when Sam gets home he is going to be mad.

Episode XLVII: “Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!”

Well I went over to Lexie’s house last night and she bleached out my roots and then we decided to go funky. So instead of accidentally ending up with purple hair we purposely gave me fuchsia hair. That’s right peeps I have bright pink chunks in my hair and when Lexie was doing the hair dye apparently I looked all crazy with my hair so she all of the sudden tells me I look sexy and then says “Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice” that shit is still funny this morning. Anyway this morning my boss’s first words out of his mouth were “Oh No you didn’t” followed by him telling someone I looked like an Easter Egg. I like it now that I am getting use to it – I did scare myself this morning when I went into the bathroom sort of forgot while sleeping that I had done it and when it’s pulled back in a ponytail it looks a little weird. So I didn’t get to sleep until 11:00 last night and besides sleeping weird and messing up my neck I am at least not tired. So hopefully pictures of the new DO by next Monday will let you know.

Episode XLVI: “Holy Crap Batman!”

Well lets see Tuesday night I didn’t get to bed until 2:00 am because I went and hung out at a friends house. Pretty much just vegged on their couch and listened to music. Although I did let the cat out of the house so if she comes back pregnant I have been told in no uncertain terms that it will be my responsibility to find homes for the kittens so I may be calling on you guys to bail me out.

Last night we went to the Comedy show (like we do on Wednesday’s) and hung out there for a bit. I left around midnight but didn’t get to sleep until almost 2 again. I looked so good and finally was able to fit into my skinny jeans (it’s a pair I bought two years ago that never fit me and so the tags were still on) so I poured myself into them and it was worth it because a random guy bought me a drink. So SWEET!

Tonight after work I will be invading Lexie’s house and she will be coloring and cutting my hair and who knows it might end up purple and really short – but it should be fun getting it that way. I am sure there will also be some napage because we are both tired. My plan is to get into bed early tonight but we all know how well that plan usually works out. “The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry”

Episode XLV: “Close the Curtains and Go to Town”

Good Morning Peeps! Had a great evening last night. Once I got to work at 5:15 I realized that I was actually only scheduled until 9 so I didn’t have to close – for some reason that just totally made my day. Once I did get off I got home and ran around the house closing all the curtains and then stripped down to my birthday suit. Why you ask BECAUSE I CAN! That’s right Sam is not home for the next two weeks and I don’t have to worry about streaking and rounding a corner and coming face to face with him. So I took this time to enjoy (especially since it was so bloody hot yesterday). So pretty much I did nothing, I didn’t even turn the TV on I was on the phone for a bit and I was asleep by midnight. What a great night.

GONE - He's GONE!

That's right folks I have misplaced #53 Niko Koutouvides - he apparently will no longer be playing with the Seattle Seahawks (who the heck am I going to watch when I'm in town watching the game live). I am seriously thinking about boycotting the Seahawks! It's so unfair - of course I have no idea what position he played or what better purpose he could serve then being there to amuse me. If this decision had to made I really think the coach should have consulted me first.

Grrrrrrrr!

Episode XLIV: “Boys Will Be Boys.”

So I don’t know what is up with the boys in this photo – Josh is completely pretending he doesn’t know us and Luke is being a freak!

OK so since my last serious post on Wednesday I was off work (both jobs) Thursday and Friday with some medical issues. However earlier in the week we had sent out mass e-mail, MySpace and text message invites to a spaghetti feed at my house on Friday night and since I wasn’t entirely sure who all was going to come I didn’t know who to call to cancel since I wasn’t feeling good. So crap – it was still on.

Friday – we had a good turn out and Lexie made the bomb ass Spaghetti. No drinking for Keri though – but that did not stop everyone else – some major drunkenness ensued and the next morning when I left for work it looked like a used car lot out in front of my house. Unfortunately there are no photos from this night because no one busted out with a digital and when I tried to use my dinosaur of a camera I got shouted down by several people. Anyway there fault.

Saturday I worked 9 to 5 and then came home and napped – Melody met over at my house and borrowed something to wear and then we got dressed up and went out (hence the picture from above). I ended up only staying about an hour and a half and then I bailed and went to bed – there was more sleeping on Sunday and then I shipped Sam off to the lower 48 for two weeks and then met up with Alexis, Brian, Marcella and Melody at Red Robin for lunch where we proceeded to strap on feedbags and get our grub on. Then I went home and watch the Seahawks spank the Chargers (OK spank not really the word more like barely a tap on the butt) it doesn’t matter a win is a win.

Today I work both jobs and then I plan on going home and crashing. I stayed up to late last night trying to see some of the meteor shower I saw a couple of them then finally gave up and went to bed.

P.S. Summer is almost over and I am going to miss it once it is gone.

NO I'm Not DEAD!

So I haven't posted anything because I have had a rough week - not feeling that well and all, but I will post on my activities over the last few days tomorrow.

Much Love to Everyone!

Episode XLIII: “Baby Got BACK!”

OK so since nothing truly exciting happened yesterday and I just worked all day and I do mean WORKED (8:00 am to 11:15 pm). I decided my post would be a slight deviation from the norm. Today we are going to talk about me! That’s right – because it’s my blog and I can toot my own horn if I want too.
So the number for the day is 25, yep twenty-five! That’s how many pounds I have lost since the beginning of May. I am pretty sure that this is mainly to do with me just being happy and working two jobs I don’t just eat because I can. I eat when my stomach tells me too and I stop when I am full. I know it’s a novel concept – who would have thunk it. So for those of you who are worried my butt is of course here to stay it’s been with me since before I met my boobs so we go way back, but I am hoping to part ways permanently with my double chin we had a falling out and are not friends anymore it kept ruining all my pictures, peeing on the toilet seat and leaving dirty laundry on the floor. You will notice in the picture below that it is not there. That’s right, so long Doublely don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

So in a perfect world 35 pounds to go, although I am comfortable at this weight but I really want to get back into my leather pants so I think that is at least another 15.

OK so this post was just like the others: All about Me Me Me I I I!!

Keep on trucking: “My anaconda don’t want none, Unless you’ve got buns, hun.”

Episode XLII: “We Are The HOTNESS”

So Friday night I worked and then went to bed early because I had to work the early shift on Saturday morning 9 to 5. Then after work on Saturday I took a nap and then Alexis invaded my house, because we were going to go out.

I got dressed up in an actual dress (I call it my Maui dress – cause that’s where I got it and it was, up until this weekend the only place I wore it). I won’t even tell you how many times I got hit on or cat called. Insane this one crazy dude though came over to us girls on the back porch and next thing I know Lexie and Melody left me sitting there with this guy (I could have killed them – where was the loyalty). So when I couldn’t dislodge the guy on my own – I made the silent plead to the bouncer (with eye contact that screamed HELP ME!). Eye contact is my thing and the bouncer came over and rescued me and escorted the lovely crazy drunk man from the premises. Then of course Alexis shows back up and looks at the bouncer and is like “Did he save you?” Yeah no thanks to you Beotch!

Also that night Melody said she would give me $20 if I crawled along the bar counter. I asked the bartenders and they were all for it but there was so many people with their drinks on the bar that I decided to wait until later in the night. Well then I forgot – so damn – I can’t believe I missed that photo opt. Oh Well, always next time. Melody, Lexie and I all got back to Lexie’s house at around 3 am and then passed out. Then Melody left sometime after the McDonald’s run and sometime during the 3rd nap (but at least she left a note and cleaned the kitchen so we didn’t feel used). Eventually I woke up and went home at like 4:30 and was suppose to go right back to go out to dinner with Lexie but then I fell back asleep and Lexie ended up driving over to my house and so dinner was like 7:30 to 9:00 then I went home and back to bed.

Woke up yesterday morning and completely threw up my dinner from the night before. Oh HELL NO! I’m the type of person who would rather hold it inside then lose control over my bodily functions (which is what throwing up is like for me). Not to mention it doesn’t get much sexier then a naked chick bent over a toilet having a hot flash and sweating then collapsing to the bathroom floor to shiver on the cold linoleum all the while wishing mom or grandma was there (to take care of me) – thank god Sam wasn’t up yet. Needless to say I didn’t make it to work yesterday – so I’m here now and doing OK.

Episode XLI: “Judi Gras”

So obviously this is a picture of me and Lexie at Judi Gras Last Night (Yes I know Koots AGAIN!) I managed to get out of there in a little over an hour and was home and in bed by 1:30am. However leaving Lexie there was a big mistake, Melody you are fired. This morning I received pictures of her taken with my men. These are my boys and she is getting all photo happy – whatever! I miss Brian he would at least give me some loving and Mike wasn’t there either. Oh well more work today at both jobs and then I plan on being in bed by 9:30 tonight since I have to work the early shift tomorrow. Beads, love and Boobs from A-Town!

P.S. It’s hard to tell but I am actually wearing short white shorts and I had my heels on if I would have made one wrong turn on Spenard, I could have made some serious money. NOT!

Look What I Just Found!

OMG! I am so friggin cute. I think I was 14 or 15 in this picture and it was taken on some river in North Carolina. I had to share it with everyone because I actually think this might be my natural hair color! Come to think of it I think I started dying my hair shortly after this and got addicted and now I may never know when I actually go gray.

P.S.
I'm pissed that everyone seems to be concerned about my being tired but no one has said "Gee Keri sorry to hear about BOB dying and all." I don't think you all understand how many fish I have killed in the last year it's starting to cause emtional scaring. Which is why I am blaming this one on the Mafia!

Breaking News: This Just in -

I regret to inform you that BOB the fish was found dead this morning at 8:00 am he was found on the bottom of the fish bowl and we suspect mafia involvement as he was currently registered in the witness protection program. A memorial service was held at 9:00 am at the toilet located off of 57th Place. There was a lovely tribute performed vocally by myself as BOB swirled around the basin. We will miss you BOB and you shall be replaced in a few days.

Episode XXXX: “Tell Me A Fable.”

Good morning sunshine! So I went out on Tuesday night and ended up closing down the bar. Awesome! Of course I didn’t get to sleep until 5 am and even then I was up and down until noon. So I didn’t get to sleep all day yesterday like I wanted to but I did get an hour nap at Lexie’s yesterday and I got some errands done too. So pretty much nothing to exciting.

Today I work both jobs and don’t get off until like 11:15 tonight and then it’s on to Judi Gras for an hour or so. I am hoping to be in bed by 3 am so tomorrow I will be dragging because I have to do it all again.

Episode XXXIX: “My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard!”

Milkshake – I want a Milkshake. MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Seriously I have been up since 6:00 am this morning helping Poppy move. There is nothing like breaking a sweat that early in the morning moving a couch so heavy that it could be used as an anchor for an ocean liner. I now feel that I deserve a milkshake among other things. (Note: The U-Haul on Old Seward – SUCKS they can’t even keep their bay doors working – black mark for you U-Haul.) If I owned that couch I would have hauled back and kicked it (it wouldn’t have helped but it would have made me feel better) alas it was not mine so I had to content myself with giving it the evil eye! I’m watching you couch – me and you lets step outside! “Scat!”

Where am I?

What day is it?

Obviously the lack of my usual ten hours of sleep a night are finally starting to take it’s toll on me – HECK, I might just sleep all day tomorrow – instead of doing the things I need to like cleaning and running errands.

I do not have to work tomorrow because I took the day off from everywhere so I will be going out tonight – however I will not be posting anything until Thursday. If you get bored feel free to talk amongst yourselves. Keep it clean (I’m looking at you TOOL!)

Episode XXXVIII: “CAB!”

One moment while I try and get my brain to reach back to the start of the weekend.

Friday – Get off work – then swing by Marcella’s BBQ briefly to give her a birthday card (HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!), but then I had to run because the plan was to go and see Harry Potter – well once we got to the theater it was just way to crazy – so Melody and I went for dinner at Applebee’s and then called up Lexie and Blondie and discovered them sitting at The Crossroads – so we decided to join them there. Well about 9:00 I start to get a headache and feel tired so I leave the girls to carry on without me and go home and fall into bed (Hey I have had late nights for the last couple of weeks and it’s finally catching up with me). Well at some point I can’t remember the times I get a phone call from Lexie & Melody – apparently they had decided to hit most the bars downtown and Blondie decided to take a cab home (she was so running away from the other girls). Then while I was on the phone with Lexie she walked by the gaslight and puts Tool on the phone (Hi Tool.) Then she gets back on the phone and informs me to basically get my butt out of bed and meet them at Kootz. I do and in the time it takes me to get there Lexie has proceeded to drop her cell phone in the toilet at Kootz and Melody fishes it out for her – and I’m sure they are both going to get some sort of flesh eating disease. I don’t know what time I went home but I had to get up and be functional for my first whole day at my new job 3 to close standing and running around all day.

Saturday – Went to work and got off at 11:10pm and then briefly met up with everyone at Kootz again, I got there at midnight and left at 1:30 – I was tired, hungry and not looking my best and frankly my feet were killing me. So I went home and did some laundry and stuffed my face with comfort food to the point I almost made myself sick by eating too much. Apparently after I left the girls kept on partying and I did receive several drunken phone calls but that might be because I sort of sneaked away. I didn’t want anyone talking me out of not going. I’m told there was some sort of cab incident – but whatever – whenever is there not incidents.

Sunday – Roommate Sam called from Utah at 9:30 in the morning – (he knows better then to do that, I don’t know what came over him or what he was thinking). Well I figured that if I had to be up so did everyone else. So since I needed to borrow a work truck to help “Poppy” move I made Lexie and Melody come over to drive me to get it. We brought it back and then we all snuggled on the bed and then I got up and had to be to work again at 2 and more standing (MY LEGS ARE KILLING ME AND IF ANYONE WANTS TO TRADE I WOULD BE MORE THEN HAPPY TOO!) I got off at 9:15 last night and then Lexie calls me and when I call her back (A guy answers the phone and has me going for a split second on some story and then I realize that it is some guy messing with me – but I for the life of me can’t figure out who would be with Lexie.) So I hang up and a moment later it hits me and I have to call back. Yup – I totally forgot Mike (from Florida) just got into town that afternoon. So once I call him on it he says I have to come down and meet them at the Pioneer downtown and that he’s not taking NO for an answer. Well I haven’t seen him in forever so I head down there and stay until 11:00 and then I come home and wait on “Poppy” so I can make a run with the truck and then return it to work. I think we got done by about one-ish. But I didn’t get to sleep until about 2:30 so I’m tired my legs are still killing me and I really just want to go home and crawl into bed and sleep the day away. Suppose to have a BBQ at my house tonight but it’s raining so I don’t think that is going to happen. I’ll let you know though.

P.S. Mike is here for like 12 days – so expect major partying and I have every intention of feeling his muscles up close and personal. Not to mention I think we will have to have a snuggle off – I am so going to win! Because I AM AWESOME!

Episode XXXVII: “Dance Dance!”

OK so the other night when I was at Kootz I noticed that they have added a stripper pole to the band side dance floor. Now the swing bar has always had a few poles up by the bar but they are there to, you know hold the roof up and all. Well Wednesday night I decided to give Bri Bri a little show using the swing bar foundation poles when one of the girls that worked there told me the pole was in the other room. Oh why thank you – so you guys installed that just for me? How sweet! Yeah that is not happening until such time as I am so wasted that there will be vomiting involved. So while the pole may have been meant for me by all means anyone who has the moxie jump up on that and shake it.

This is your Queen of Kootz signing off.

Episode XXXVI: “That’s no moon, that’s a SPACE STATION!”

DOUBLE POST!

So I totally just drank coffee. Now I am jamming out and my chair dancing skills are smokin and I’m bouncing off the walls listening to Peter, Paul and Mary.

“Lemon Tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet, but the fruit of poor lemon is impossible to eat.”

Next up: I’m leaving on a Jet Plane, Puff the Magic Dragon and back flips off my desk top.

Coffee is my Crack – which is why I don’t drink it much.

“Luke, I am your Father.”

Episode XXXV: “Evil will always prevail, because good is dumb.”

So OK I went out last night to where else “Kootz” because that is my second home these days. There is the trivia game and comedy from 8 to 10. So I spent the night running back and forth trying to do everything at once. The comedian was great you know actually funny so that was awesome and when it came to the trivia I did answer one question but I won more then the regular amount of tickets just because of my showman ship. I was sitting up by the DJ booth hanging out with the DJ when they played the first part of Blondie’s – Heart of Glass. Well this one guy was slowly walking up there (who ever makes it to the stool on stage first gets to answer) so all of the sudden I got a bee in my bonnet and decided I knew I was right and would try to beat the guy to the stool even though I had about 4 times further to go. So I jump off my stool and start all out running for the stage with my heels clicking the whole way I totally made it there at the same time as the guy problem is I had so much momentum built up that I completely ran past the stool and up on to the stage before I could slow down. So I got two tickets for my enthusiasm and then the guy answered wrong (I think he felt sorry for me and did it on purpose) so as the RUNNER UP (HA) I got to answer and then got six tickets for being right.

Come to think about it now – that was DUMB I am surprised I made it up the stairs to the stage going that fast I could have totally injured something or someone. Oh well I have enthusiasm – GO ME! “Burrrr its cold in here there must be some Kare Bears in the atmosphere!”

Episode XXXIV: “Rub A Dub Dub just me in the Tub.”

OK so to be honest I had a shitty day yesterday and all I could think about for the last half of my work day was that I really just wanted to go home and take a bath. However I have a regular size bathtub and well cramming a six foot frame into it isn’t as relaxing as it sounds. So I called up Lexie’s parents and informed them I would pay them to allow me to come over and invade their home and most especially their big ass tub. What was that I’m family so I can come over (HA – I’m back in the will Lexie).

So once I lower myself into the hot water and my legs were straight and every part of my body was actually under water a sigh escaped my lips and yes I bit my lip and made the “O” face. Then not to be out done by Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman I went all the way under and I guess I was too relaxed because all of the sudden water is rushing up my nose and I’m drowning in someone bath tub WTF! (So not my day!) I come sputtering up and now my nose burns (but Hey my sinuses are cleaned out). Well I relax again and begin to almost float (with my face above water). Then Lexie comes in and asks if I want ice cream. Ice Cream while sitting in the bath – HELL YES – MAY I HAVE ANOTHER! I am a celebrity you will worship me and in preparation for that day Lexie also took a picture of me with my ice cream in the tub and then something happened and the picture got sent somewhere – of course it won’t surface until I become famous then it will be splashed all over the internet. Currently this photo resides on my phone and will be brought out at drunk moments, YeHaw! Whatever once I was done with my soak and had turned fully into a prune. I left Lexie at her parents and went home.

When I die please bury me in that tub.

P.S. Lexie’s parents are in my will (you will get a whole 5 cents each) – I will forever owe you.

Episode XXXIII: “I wanna be Sedated!”

So I’m sitting here staring at my computer my brain is completely dead. Lexie is currently FIRED! My mother is awesome and my girls in Seattle are totally Optimistic!
Wait what’s my name again!

“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya, You killed my father prepare to die!”

Episode XXXII: “Can you Hear Me, Can you Hear Me NOW!”

OK well my weekend consisted of sun and sleeping, a lot of sun and a lot of sleeping.

So Friday I was exhausted so I went to bed early and ignored everyone. Woke up Saturday morning at 9:00 and Alexis had decided since it was the most fabulous day out ever that we needed to go to Big Lake. So I am dressed in my Maui best ready for the beach look and we head out. Once we get there we almost immediately hopped on the Jet Ski’s. We then proceeded to tear it up and I was chasing boats and jumping wakes and I hit this one and when I landed the handlebars were turned and the Jet Ski shot off in one direction and I went the other. That’s right Keri tanked it in the middle of the lake (MAN DOWN!). Lexie didn’t actually witness the incident but she looked around in time to see me in the water and my Jet Ski 50 feet away. Well I whined enough that she towed me back to it. However everything was wet and I lost my rose sunglasses (The first casualty of the war of the Jet Ski’s) which are now residing at the bottom of the lake.

Then later in the day Lexie’s mom gets into an all out water war with the neighbor and by the end of that the dock was completely drenched and my phone was wet. I tried to save it and I can still text message but the speaker and mic are having difficulties and it’s hard to hear people or have them hear me. Maybe it will start working in another couple of days.

I ended up going to Kootz for a couple hours Saturday night ran into Marcella there and just hung out and then left early. Slept most of the day Sunday.

P.S. I lost another 3 pounds this last week “SWEET!” (DOUBLE ARM PUMP <- Brianism)

Episode XXXI: “Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn!”

So went to Kootz last night was there from 8 to 12 and managed to get my butt into bed at 12:30. Lots of stuff happened most of which I can not post here – so I am alive today and feeling great. More to come on Monday!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Episode XXX: “Koots - here we come, right back where we started from.”

So I am suppose to go to Koots for the Comedy show but since I’m pretty sure that it is going to be the same guy that we saw on Tuesday I am not holding my breath but that is OK because I can wonder around the bar. I have no intentions of staying out as late as I did on Tuesday night. My plan is to be home by midnight (I’ll let you know how that goes). It has so far been one busy week and the weekend is almost here.

Episode XXIV: “Rise and Shine Sleepy Head – Out of Bed Daisy head!”

Ummm …….. First I would like to ask forgiveness for any bad typing – I will be impressed if this is readable since I am typing with my eyes closed. Periodically I plan on opening them long enough to scan this post and see where I am at. My night out started at 5:30 right after work and consisted of some time spent at Platinum Jaxx and then on to Kootz with a brief stop over at Lexie’s and Taco Bell (Which so is not agreeing with me this morning) and then pulling into my driveway at 3:00 am this morning. When I finally got out of bed this morning at 7:30 I wanted to kill my alarm clock because if it weren’t for clocks we wouldn’t know what time it is and there for could go to work whenever, however it is a brand spanking new clock so that would be bad form – so instead I got up jumped in the shower and went to work. I look like death warmed over (NO I do not have a hang over – I always look this way with less then 8 hours of sleep). If you see me coming look away I will not be responsible for you turning into stone.

For those of you wondering why I was out on a week night it was Dallas’s Birthday – SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY DALLAS!

Most memorably funny quote from last night was Dallas saying “Lexie’s all up in your Kool-Aid!” he gets 20 points for making me laugh yet again this morning.

So here’s to great times and friends – even the ones up in your Kool-Aid.

Episode XXIII: “Wardrobe malfunction!”

So yesterday was one of the best days we have had in awhile and it looks like today is going to be the same. So yesterday after work Melody and I met up at Alexis’s place to sit out on her roof top and enjoy the sun. I swear it was a scene right out of Sex and the City. We enjoyed some girl time and were talking about everything under the sun (literally). Well of course it got a little crazy and Lexie was wearing her sun dress and then she started bouncing around like a hooligan and well can we say BOOB! Then because this was funny she then flashed both of them and thank goodness there were no planes flying over head at that moment or we might have made headlines. So tonight there will be a replay and hopefully Blondie can make it over too and then we can really have the foursome going. We are so much hotter then the Sex and the City Wenches. Whatever!

Episode XXII: “It’s hard to just snuggle when you get naked like that!”

So as I sit here eating the left over macaroni salad (thanks Blondie) I think back on my weekend and the first thing that comes to mind was that I was really drunk on Saturday and I have the best friends EVER!

Friday – after work I met Alexis at her parent’s house where we proceeded to have a great time and I ended up showing them my bloomers – but hey they are family.

Then I met up with Tammy and Ashley and we headed to Kootz where they proceeded to get their drink on and I was the reliable designated driver and drank diet coke all night (Major props to Joe my bartender for getting Ashley drunk). The girls ended up leaving around 1:30 Tool gave them a ride home and I remained around to drive the other drunk people home. So at the end of the night after dropping everyone off, I then went home grabbed the dog and invaded Alexis’s house at 3 AM she was a trooper.

Saturday – get home around noon from Lexie’s and we had planned on having a BBQ at the house so that started at 6:00 ish. Multiple people showed up and I proceeded to get my drink on since I had been so good the night before – now I remember everything because I have yet to experience this blackout thing so many other people have so I unfortunately always remember what happens. Sam and me got into a wrestling match and I lost (he swung me around like a rag doll – very manly if his back hurts from lifting my fat ass I will not be held accountable). Then at another point Lexie had me on my stomach on the ground tickling my feet at which point I spent about 5 mins flat on my back in the grass. Some of my sunglasses are missing “AND I WANT THEM BACK!” one pair even got broke (MAN DOWN!) and one stolen “Dimples I’m looking at you.” And his wife Blondie tried to steal another pair but then she lost them and claims I never gave them back even though I put them on her face (I still haven’t found them – they are probably in someone purse). For some reason no one would make eye contact with me – maybe it had something to do with the fact that if they did I would yell “EYE CONTACT – YOU WANT SOME LOVIN.” At which point I would then molest whoever it was that had looked at me and it didn’t matter who it was. By the end of the night we ended up at Club O and then everyone else was moving on to other clubs and I wanted to go home but Blondie wouldn’t leave me on the side of the bar waiting for a cab by myself which was totally ridiculous since security was there but I appreciate it anyway!

I went home and passed out with my bedroom window open at 1:30 and was out until 3:30 when my phone rang because some people were not done partying yet. By that point I was naked and freezing and not even about to get up to shut my window much less go down and start drinking again.

Sunday – SLEPT ALL DAY LONG – and went over to bug Alexis again – I think she is getting tired of me. NAW – THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE!

As for my title that has to do with a private conversation! Much love to you all and hope everyone had a great weekend too!

Episode XXI: “It’s all about ME!.”

Seriously as I sit here at my desk staring down out my legs I think “Damn what great gams I have!” I just tried this new self tanner (Clinique) it is awesome stuff my legs are no longer a white, sun light reflecting transparent color. It actually looks pretty natural. Plus it helps that I am wearing a white skirt (white always makes you look darker). Let’s talk about the skirt for a minute – it is my all time favorite outfit (I really should wear it more often) it does this nice flare thing and it promotes exercise. When I run down the stairs it does this flare up thing that is so black and white movie. So I find myself going up and down stairs more today. Where’s my mom when I need her to DIP me. Oh well this means of course I can’t wear this outfit for another month because I have a problem about wearing the same outfit more then once a month, other people probably wouldn’t notice but I would know and I would think they knew and these are perhaps issues I should discuss with my therapist. I will get back to you on that.

So ME, ME, ME, I, I, I, Twirl, Twirl, Twirl!

Episode XX: “Damn goose bumps now I have to shave my legs again.”

So yesterday I would have totally froze my rasta farr E en nay nays off (that is if I had any). This is an on going war with one of my co-workers. He claims in the summer time that it gets so hot in his office because he has huge windows and the sun beats in on him (this is true which is why I moved out of that office years ago). Unfortunately this means that my office (cell) which has no windows becomes the resident ice box. I left for lunch yesterday and left a half a soda on my desk and came back an hour later and it was practically colder then when I got it out of the machine. So I brought in a heater at lunch yesterday and was blissfully warm for the rest of the day.

Which is all to the good since I was flouncing around yesterday in my black and white poka dot dress. There is something freeing about wearing a dress – knowing that you can moon someone and have your dress back down before they even knew what hit them.

Although as some of my friends can validate dresses are a lot like shorts and I have a tendency to pull the sides up on my shorts (like up to my ears) this usually only happens when alcohol is involved but sometimes just being in a good mood triggers these episodes of pantspulupits – it is a rare medical condition that is not funny in the slightest, (unless you’re a friend or family member).

Here’s to white cotton underwear.

P.S. Met up with the girls last night to hang out – so this is my shout out to Alexis, Melody and C…C….C….Blondie!

Episode XIX: "How much DIRT is too much DIRT?"

The names have been left out of the following post to protect the innocent.

I was e-mailing a friend of mine and she tried to pull one over on me so I shot back with a retort that was both witty and true at which point her reply was “You have too much dirt on me.”

When it comes to your close friends is it possible to have too much dirt? I don’t think so – I think it shows that you know everything about them and yet you still love them no matter what – I think it’s a true test of friendship. With this comes awesome responsibility though, say you were to have a falling out with said friend and not be friends anymore EVER this would not give you license to go around airing their dirty laundry everywhere. Guess I’m not vindictive!

Then again my friends keep my secrets (to the grave beotches)!

Locked up tight as Fort Knox here in Alaska.